One Summer Night

There must have been forty kids on the street where I grew up. We never had a play date. You just walked out the door and there they were. All ages were represented. Usually one of the older kids had a younger sibling in tow. It was just the way things were. My house and my best friend's house were separated by the Lowen house. Our parents emigrated from Flatbush, Brooklyn to the wild and woolly outskirts of Bellerose, Queens. Because we bordered Nassau County our post office was New Hyde Park. We would straddle the county line and tell each other we could be in two places at one time.

During the summer very few of us went to camp. There may have been a week or two when we left the block for a vacation out on the East End or upstate, but for the most part we stayed local. After chores we had the day to ourselves. Bicycles were our mode of transportation. On occasion we would travel to Bar Beach for the day, but that's another story.

We had a small pool in our yard as did my best friend, Eileen. It was fun to splash around on a steamy summer night. There was no air-conditioning, just huge fans to move the humid air over you. My brothers had a fan the size of an airplane propeller in the front window of their room. The hum was our introduction to white noise, though at the time we had no idea what that was. We left the doors to our bedrooms open. We were on the honor system for the duration of the dog days. That fan sucked the heat out and kept the air moving. My sister, Jane, and I slept upside down on our beds so the breeze would fan our faces until sleep took over. I usually drove her crazy by listening to my transistor radio, stuffed under my pillow. "I can still hear it!" Heh!






The real special occasions occurred on movie nights. Eileen's dad, Charlie, was a projectionist. One of his many jobs was to set up the movies for in flight viewing on TWA. He was able to bring some of them home for our viewing pleasure. Once the sun went down the lawn chairs came out. We hung a big white sheet on the side of the house. Then we spread blankets on the lawn for the babies and little ones. We popped massive amounts of popcorn, mixed up the Kool-Ade and distributed the goods. Uncle Charlie charged admission...we had to pick up a rock and put it in a pile...he was cleaning the yard. After that formality we grabbed a seat and the show began.

One summer night the moon was a crescent in the sky. The air was heavy. There had been a thundershower earlier in the afternoon. The clean sharp scent of ozone still persisted. The stars were there, too. Movie night was a go and that night the feature was The Alamo! John Wayne and Richard Boone, not to be confused with Daniel Boone. The backyard was packed with children and adults. We had paid our stony dues. The popcorn was buttered and the Kool-Ade was cool. The movie began as scheduled. Even the little guys were mesmerized. John Wayne had that effect on us in those days. We liked our heroes bigger than life, but human. No superpowers needed for The Duke. After the movie, no one wanted to go home. The younger ones played 'remember the Alamo!' We helped clean up the mess and escaped to hang out with the Prendamano brothers down the block and listen to some music...always music. There were many movie nights and many more music nights. It was good place to be. It's a good place to visit in my mind sometimes.




One Summer Night~The Danleers....sigh...

Walking The Wire With No Net

The holiday season can be a treacherous time for relationships. All sorts of emotional baggage arrives at the frontal lobe of your brain, unannounced. Full of memories of people, places and events long gone, it unloads the contents to your consciousness and the festivities begin. Long-distance relationships are particularly vulnerable, lacking the face to face reassurances that can alleviate some of the mishigas, although that is a tall order as the bells jingle in the background.

In my case, there is the double whammy of a December birthday tossed into the mix. That can really set my dreidl spinning. Communications get scrambled and emotions do, too. It's like walking a tightrope. There is that connection, but there is that distance...not just a physical distance. Something triggers that old insecurity, you know, the one in the emotional baggage and, bingo, we all scramble for cover. Understandable, but avoidable if that communication line isn't broken.

For me, an amazing example of faith in going from point A to point B is Philippe Petit and his surreal journey in 1974. He bridged all doubt and insecurity with courage and a supreme love for life. Remember, he used no net.




There are no guarantees, but if you don't believe, you will be doomed to all that is mundane. There is a time and place for comfort and curling up by the fire and there is a time to scare the bejeebers out of yourself and hit the wire. The reward may be transcendental. What's that? What if you fall? Well, who's to say there are no angels to catch you? You may sprout wings of your own. If not, I say it is worth the risk. To quote Mssr. Petit when asked why he walked between The Twin Towers,

"When I see a beautiful place to put my wire I cannot resist."
















picture~work in progress

So Good To Be With You Again...

Sunday morning coffee is brewing. The sun shines behind some random clouds, but the wind dispatches them in short order. It's Halloween in Queens. There are still a few fighter jets patrolling the sky, but, other than their muted roars, it's kind of quiet. A little time for reflection. This is day I prepare to visit with some folks I haven't seen for a while...some, quite a while. At midnight I will say a few prayers and invite them to come and stay for a bit. They always do and it is a rare treat to feel them so close again.

I believe the spirit never dies. Our physical self will perish, but that energy that animates us joins the collective soul at that time. Now, many dispute this, but because there is no way to prove it one way or the other, it is a matter of faith. I paid my money and made my choice. The cool thing about this is tonight. There are many ways to welcome your ancestors and loved ones to your home if you are so inclined. In Mexico Dia de los Muertos is their most important holiday. Families save over the course of the year in order to prepare an ofrenda, an offering on a special alter dedicated to the ones they loved. There are specific foods made only at this time, shared with family and dear friends. Visits to the cemetery are family occasions with food and mezcal or beer for the living and dead...and visitors. Copal incense is burned day and night. It is a celebration of life and life after death.

By creating a sacred space with prayer and intention, the spirits have a safe haven for a time. There is a belief in many cultures that the veil which separates the quick and the dead is thin this time of year, especially now through November 5th. Perhaps you have been thinking of someone departed recently. Some have dreams or daydreams about them. It's a very natural reaction.

Now the trick or treaters are ringing the doorbell. Skeletons, superheros, ladybugs, lion and tigers and bears, oh my, wait for their sweet treats. The farm down the road has a Children's Halloween Festival today. All the kids dress in costume and parade around the grounds. The belief in Oaxaca is the souls of the children visit first, on October 31st, while the adults breeze in on November 1st. This is their most sacred time of year. The children parade in the streets of Oaxaca today...tomorrow is the adults will dance in the streets, the parks and the zocalo.

Tonight I'll work some magic of my own. This is my favorite ceremony, although it always brings tears to my eyes. Like much of life, it is bittersweet but, much more sweet than bitter. It's quite simple and kind of quiet, though I do sing if I'm in the mood. The circle is cast, visualizing a wall of moonflower vines encircling the room. I love moonflowers, but any plant you like is what you would see. There is water for cleansing and candles to light the way for all. As I sit in the circle the memories of those I welcome come to mind and I feel their presence. It is a communion of spirit. There are some special words I like to say while we visit to keep the stairway to heaven open. When the time comes to an end there is a beautiful Benediction by David O. Norris to say hasta la vista.

Benediction

It is time to bid farewell

As this Samhain passes from us

Soon the dawning will embrace us

and the sunset portal close.

Until the turning of the year

We must part for just a while

Yet I know there is no ending

And the silver thread spins outward

To that place where you are going

Until I travel there to meet you

Or your return upon the autumn,

On this sacred night of Spirits

When we shall meet again.

Blessed be.

Great Ancestors,

I thank you for joining me this night.

Relatives and loved ones,

I honor you and wish you sleep well.

May you go in peace.

Great Spirit

Stay with me.

Protect and guide me upon this new year.

So mote it be.

Remember, There Was A Full Moon...

Most people who know me well would say the day I quote Ronald Reagan hell froze over. Well, jingle bells to you...here goes...

I'm notorious for being defensive...Christine has used the phrase "you're totally paranoid, Mom", throughout her childhood to the present day. Perhaps, but I have my reasons, as we all do when we feel threatened. We build our psychic fortresses to withstand the assaults of the outside world. These may be emotional, physical or spiritual in nature.

When our status quo is in peril we may feel the need to reinforce the walls, bring the drawbridge up and barricade all the windows and portals. Somebody start boiling the oil.

Hold on a minute there. Is this really a threat? Maybe it's time for a change...or at least a chance. Try some deep breaths. Maybe a margarita or two. Name your poison. Just try to relax. What if you removed a brick or three? You just might see what's on the other side of the wall is intriguing, if not positive. How will you ever know if you keep building that wall higher and higher? Lots of questions, huh? Well, maybe the answers lie on the other side of the wall. So, heaven help me, take a listen to Ronnie. For this one and only time, I agree with him.

pic~raven~Skeletons In The Attic:Poe

Alright, There's A Full Moon Risin'

Perhaps you adhere to the belief that the stars and planets influence our daily affairs, perhaps not. I am addicted to my daily horoscope in any form...print, online, podcast or video. Each morning I read my daily forecast and either nod in agreement or shake my head, heeding a dire warning. This week brings the full moon. Although its effect on mere mortals is disputed, most people will agree it seems to influence our behavior. That being said, I believe this must be a most powerful full moon because some behavior has been a little loony for about two weeks now. Could it be this is not moon-related? Yo no se. I'm feeling more confused than usual. In fact, I'm feeling a little anxious. When this happens, I listen to music to calm myself, to soothe frazzled nerves and to sing and dance myself into a relaxed state of mind.

Oh yes, it's tango time. I love Francisco Canaro. In fact, I just got hold of his CD that has my favorite tango on it, "Te Quiero". That song is the ring tone on my cell phone.
I'm listening to my tangos and giving my brain a rest. I'll let my heart take over for a while. It is so much more forgiving of my eccentricities.

.



pic~Book cover~Poe: Skeletons In The Closet

Venus Retrograde...And In Libra, No Less!

"There she is. Come on over and give me a kiss."

John is waving in my direction from the reception desk. His Irish brogue carries across the crowded waiting room. I've listened to that brogue for over twelve years now.

"I'll be with you momentarily, John. I'm taking care of another patient, but I'll be back soon."

We cared for his late wife, too. He is living proof to me that there truly can be a broken heart.

After she died he was hospitalized many times for chest pain and blockages to his coronary arteries. We would see him every two to three months for a while there. Lately he's been spending more time with his family in Ireland. His daughters believe it does him a world of good. John disputes that belief.

"I might as well be in China for all the good it does me. Worry follows me. It's how I am."

I feel a special bond with John that's hard to explain. Maybe there's a certain chemistry.

Some patients stay with you. I remember some from over thirty years ago. Yikes!

A little while later, I hear Sandra call a familiar name. It's Julie's dad. He's having his test in Mario's room today. His wife told me it's hard for them to see me since Julie died. I understand, but it's sad. Later, while I'm talking to John about family things, Julie's dad walks by. He extends his hand and gives mine a gentle squeeze. Our eyes meet. We smile. He walks out the exit door without looking back.

I give John a hug and a kiss. He hands me a black plastic bag.

"Here, I picked this up for you. I knew I'd be seeing you, what with the chest pain at the airport. Handmade chocolates...for you."

Another hug and I'm back to work. I can't shake the feeling that the universe is telling me something. It's said when Venus goes retrograde in Libra we will learn lessons about past relationships that affect our present ones. It's so busy I have no time to ponder this mystery.

When I return home there are messages and phone calls. Before I know it, it's almost 11PM. Where did the day go? Then the lesson starts to sink in. Treasure your friends and loved ones now, for time does fly. My dear patients have lost their beloved wife and child and that loss changed them forever. Still, they live and they love. Lucky for me, for I hold them dear to my heart.

pic~natalie & the walrus :)

Delusions of The Full Moon Variety

That plate smashes into the kitchen wall...shatters into a score of pieces. I haven't done that since 1973 and it feels good, real good. Silvery moonlight filters through my lacy curtains, creating odd moth eaten patterns on the linoleum floor. It's quiet on my corner tonight. No traffic noise or crunching fender benders, no couples arguing at top decibel in the middle of the street, not caring who hears what and no sirens...ambulance or fire engines...roaring down the parkway outside my window. Crickets sing their last hurrah. It's summer's last day for this year. We celebrate autumn's return at 11:09pm tomorrow. Although it is my favorite season, I am in no mood for celebration. A bit of self-pity and 'i just knew it' have crept out of my sub and into my consciousness. I was so sure the pattern was broken. This time I took my time and made the right choice, assuming it was a two-way street. It seems, as my friends will attest to, my sense of direction runs true...I have none. I did not realize I turned onto a one-way street, but it seems I am consistent. Well, that's good...I guess. Maybe a GPS is in order. Without one, I tend to drive around in circles for a while before I reach my destination. If that is the case, I am getting dizzy...I may need some help, but I will get there. Maybe I'll blame it on the full moon that's coming on Thursday.

I'm thinking another flying saucer may do me a world of good, but I don't feel like picking up the pieces, especially in bare feet. That leaves me quite vulnerable for injury and I've had enough of that. Perhaps it's best to maintain a holding pattern. After all, I don't know where I'm going anymore, so what's the rush? Sleep deprivation seems to go hand and hand with this need for GPS assistance. It is a real pain in the butt to feel so clueless, but I do. In another reality, I would hop on a plane and just go somewhere, but that's not an option right now.

Oooh, a fire engine just rolled down the street...set off a car alarm on the way. That's better...some noise to distract me. It will take more than that, though. Sleep will come, eventually. In the morning things will look different in the sunlight. I may even find that GPS I was looking for tonight. Right now that plate looks mighty tempting...more sirens?,,, oh, yeah!