ShrineOn Vickie

Mother's Day Revisted

2011-05-14T11:59:00.004-04:00

This year Mother's Day was a quiet day. My mom seemed happy...she usually is these days. We spoke for a little while. She drifted in and out of the conversation. She told me she loved me, her "first born", and I told her I love her, too. My daughter and her family moved to another state recently, so we spoke on the phone as well. Quiet...too quiet...and the mind wanders. It kind of meanders back in time to other Mother's Days. Whether those recollections are true or not, they are real. What is reality, after all? We each have our own version.

I went online for a while. There I found a trilogy of poems written as a tribute to a friend's mom soon after she died. One of them hit home that day. I was missing my mom, the old mom who drove me crazy more often than not. I was missing my daughter, now a mom herself, who also drove me crazy for a while...it's in the genes. That poem floated through my mind. In it was the love and pain that only a mother and child experience. It would not let go of me, so I did what I do when things get stuck in my brain. I made art with it. A meandering book...kind of a fold-out puzzle of a book. Relationships are puzzles. The pieces fit together somehow, but not as you might expect. Even so, it is a whole entity no matter how you look at it...forward, backward, upside down or right side up...there it is.

My back was giving me a hard time. It hurt so much I had difficulty walking after a while, so I had to sit and rest it. It's funny how your body makes you pay attention when you choose to ignore what's good for you. Those nasty panic attacks were not going away, either. The last thing I wanted to do was think, ya know what I mean? Resting in bed with The Kindly Ones was not helping. I dove into my mini book creation...measuring, snipping, painting and lettering for hours. What a joy it was! When it was complete, I called Scott to tell him I was sending something by snail mail. Off it went on its journey and did arrive safe and sound.

Now, a week later, my back is still killing me. My brain is still having the occasional short circuit. My feet still get a tad numb if I'm up and about too long. My dear friend, Helen, who has known me for about thirty years, observed the correlation between my back pain and my brain pain. She reminded me how they seem to feed on each other. She also reminded me of how happy I felt while making art. Guess that's pretty straight forward.

Sometimes we carry things inside us that seem too heavy a burden. Just when we think we are handling it, we stumble. It's not because we're weak. The bump in the road is a safety bump, meant to slow us down for a reason. Best pay attention and rest a while. Smell the daisies, watch the clouds or make some art. The weight shifts as the mind does.

On The Edge

2011-04-17T21:17:00.003-04:00

There's a full moon tonight. It's been a windy day so the night sky is very clear. Not everything else is, but the feeling that a good change is in the air uplifts my spirit. I've been dreaming a lot lately. That is, I remember my dreams, at least bits and pieces of them, on awakening. The strange and positive thing is my brother, Chris and my dad have been in these dreams. Nothing dramatic occurred, just day to day stuff, but we all seemed quite happy. There was a huge gardenia bush in one dream...Chris had one growing in his backyard in Davis so it made sense.

Today I went grocery shopping and found a gorgeous gardenia plant in with the Easter lilies and hyacinths. It is now in residence in my sunny bedroom...sequestered from Elliot, that plant-eating feline menace. Whenever I look at it, I smile. It's the small things that mean the most when I reminisce. So, when I remember a loved one it is usually with a smile. We stay connected and that allows us to make even more connections. Love is like that...the more you give, the more you get.

Coincidentally, Christine just texted me commenting how beautiful the moon looks tonight. Yes, indeed!

One Summer Night

2011-01-26T14:55:00.004-05:00

There must have been forty kids on the street where I grew up. We never had a play date. You just walked out the door and there they were. All ages were represented. Usually one of the older kids had a younger sibling in tow. It was just the way things were. My house and my best friend's house were separated by the Lowen house. Our parents emigrated from Flatbush, Brooklyn to the wild and woolly outskirts of Bellerose, Queens. Because we bordered Nassau County our post office was New Hyde Park. We would straddle the county line and tell each other we could be in two places at one time.

During the summer very few of us went to camp. There may have been a week or two when we left the block for a vacation out on the East End or upstate, but for the most part we stayed local. After chores we had the day to ourselves. Bicycles were our mode of transportation. On occasion we would travel to Bar Beach for the day, but that's another story.

We had a small pool in our yard as did my best friend, Eileen. It was fun to splash around on a steamy summer night. There was no air-conditioning, just huge fans to move the humid air over you. My brothers had a fan the size of an airplane propeller in the front window of their room. The hum was our introduction to white noise, though at the time we had no idea what that was. We left the doors to our bedrooms open. We were on the honor system for the duration of the dog days. That fan sucked the heat out and kept the air moving. My sister, Jane, and I slept upside down on our beds so the breeze would fan our faces until sleep took over. I usually drove her crazy by listening to my transistor radio, stuffed under my pillow. "I can still hear it!" Heh!

The real special occasions occurred on movie nights. Eileen's dad, Charlie, was a projectionist. One of his many jobs was to set up the movies for in flight viewing on TWA. He was able to bring some of them home for our viewing pleasure. Once the sun went down the lawn chairs came out. We hung a big white sheet on the side of the house. Then we spread blankets on the lawn for the babies and little ones. We popped massive amounts of popcorn, mixed up the Kool-Ade and distributed the goods. Uncle Charlie charged admission...we had to pick up a rock and put it in a pile...he was cleaning the yard. After that formality we grabbed a seat and the show began.

One summer night the moon was a crescent in the sky. The air was heavy. There had been a thundershower earlier in the afternoon. The clean sharp scent of ozone still persisted. The stars were there, too. Movie night was a go and that night the feature was The Alamo! John Wayne and Richard Boone, not to be confused with Daniel Boone. The backyard was packed with children and adults. We had paid our stony dues. The popcorn was buttered and the Kool-Ade was cool. The movie began as scheduled. Even the little guys were mesmerized. John Wayne had that effect on us in those days. We liked our heroes bigger than life, but human. No superpowers needed for The Duke. After the movie, no one wanted to go home. The younger ones played 'remember the Alamo!' We helped clean up the mess and escaped to hang out with the Prendamano brothers down the block and listen to some music...always music. There were many movie nights and many more music nights. It was good place to be. It's a good place to visit in my mind sometimes.

One Summer Night~The Danleers....sigh...

Walking The Wire With No Net

2010-12-11T12:43:00.008-05:00

The holiday season can be a treacherous time for relationships. All sorts of emotional baggage arrives at the frontal lobe of your brain, unannounced. Full of memories of people, places and events long gone, it unloads the contents to your consciousness and the festivities begin. Long-distance relationships are particularly vulnerable, lacking the face to face reassurances that can alleviate some of the mishigas, although that is a tall order as the bells jingle in the background.

In my case, there is the double whammy of a December birthday tossed into the mix. That can really set my dreidl spinning. Communications get scrambled and emotions do, too. It's like walking a tightrope. There is that connection, but there is that distance...not just a physical distance. Something triggers that old insecurity, you know, the one in the emotional baggage and, bingo, we all scramble for cover. Understandable, but avoidable if that communication line isn't broken.

For me, an amazing example of faith in going from point A to point B is Philippe Petit and his surreal journey in 1974. He bridged all doubt and insecurity with courage and a supreme love for life. Remember, he used no net.

There are no guarantees, but if you don't believe, you will be doomed to all that is mundane. There is a time and place for comfort and curling up by the fire and there is a time to scare the bejeebers out of yourself and hit the wire. The reward may be transcendental. What's that? What if you fall? Well, who's to say there are no angels to catch you? You may sprout wings of your own. If not, I say it is worth the risk. To quote Mssr. Petit when asked why he walked between The Twin Towers,

"When I see a beautiful place to put my wire I cannot resist."

picture~work in progress

So Good To Be With You Again...

2010-10-31T17:01:00.003-04:00

Sunday morning coffee is brewing. The sun shines behind some random clouds, but the wind dispatches them in short order. It's Halloween in Queens. There are still a few fighter jets patrolling the sky, but, other than their muted roars, it's kind of quiet. A little time for reflection. This is day I prepare to visit with some folks I haven't seen for a while...some, quite a while. At midnight I will say a few prayers and invite them to come and stay for a bit. They always do and it is a rare treat to feel them so close again.

I believe the spirit never dies. Our physical self will perish, but that energy that animates us joins the collective soul at that time. Now, many dispute this, but because there is no way to prove it one way or the other, it is a matter of faith. I paid my money and made my choice. The cool thing about this is tonight. There are many ways to welcome your ancestors and loved ones to your home if you are so inclined. In Mexico Dia de los Muertos is their most important holiday. Families save over the course of the year in order to prepare an ofrenda, an offering on a special alter dedicated to the ones they loved. There are specific foods made only at this time, shared with family and dear friends. Visits to the cemetery are family occasions with food and mezcal or beer for the living and dead...and visitors. Copal incense is burned day and night. It is a celebration of life and life after death.

By creating a sacred space with prayer and intention, the spirits have a safe haven for a time. There is a belief in many cultures that the veil which separates the quick and the dead is thin this time of year, especially now through November 5th. Perhaps you have been thinking of someone departed recently. Some have dreams or daydreams about them. It's a very natural reaction.

Now the trick or treaters are ringing the doorbell. Skeletons, superheros, ladybugs, lion and tigers and bears, oh my, wait for their sweet treats. The farm down the road has a Children's Halloween Festival today. All the kids dress in costume and parade around the grounds. The belief in Oaxaca is the souls of the children visit first, on October 31st, while the adults breeze in on November 1st. This is their most sacred time of year. The children parade in the streets of Oaxaca today...tomorrow is the adults will dance in the streets, the parks and the zocalo.

Tonight I'll work some magic of my own. This is my favorite ceremony, although it always brings tears to my eyes. Like much of life, it is bittersweet but, much more sweet than bitter. It's quite simple and kind of quiet, though I do sing if I'm in the mood. The circle is cast, visualizing a wall of moonflower vines encircling the room. I love moonflowers, but any plant you like is what you would see. There is water for cleansing and candles to light the way for all. As I sit in the circle the memories of those I welcome come to mind and I feel their presence. It is a communion of spirit. There are some special words I like to say while we visit to keep the stairway to heaven open. When the time comes to an end there is a beautiful Benediction by David O. Norris to say hasta la vista.

Benediction

It is time to bid farewell

As this Samhain passes from us

Soon the dawning will embrace us

and the sunset portal close.

Until the turning of the year

We must part for just a while

Yet I know there is no ending

And the silver thread spins outward

To that place where you are going

Until I travel there to meet you

Or your return upon the autumn,

On this sacred night of Spirits

When we shall meet again.

Blessed be.

Great Ancestors,

I thank you for joining me this night.

Relatives and loved ones,

I honor you and wish you sleep well.

May you go in peace.

Great Spirit

Stay with me.

Protect and guide me upon this new year.

So mote it be.

Remember, There Was A Full Moon...

2010-10-23T23:26:00.004-04:00

Most people who know me well would say the day I quote Ronald Reagan hell froze over. Well, jingle bells to you...here goes...

I'm notorious for being defensive...Christine has used the phrase "you're totally paranoid, Mom", throughout her childhood to the present day. Perhaps, but I have my reasons, as we all do when we feel threatened. We build our psychic fortresses to withstand the assaults of the outside world. These may be emotional, physical or spiritual in nature.

When our status quo is in peril we may feel the need to reinforce the walls, bring the drawbridge up and barricade all the windows and portals. Somebody start boiling the oil.

Hold on a minute there. Is this really a threat? Maybe it's time for a change...or at least a chance. Try some deep breaths. Maybe a margarita or two. Name your poison. Just try to relax. What if you removed a brick or three? You just might see what's on the other side of the wall is intriguing, if not positive. How will you ever know if you keep building that wall higher and higher? Lots of questions, huh? Well, maybe the answers lie on the other side of the wall. So, heaven help me, take a listen to Ronnie. For this one and only time, I agree with him.

pic~raven~Skeletons In The Attic:Poe

Alright, There's A Full Moon Risin'

2010-10-19T23:17:00.007-04:00

Perhaps you adhere to the belief that the stars and planets influence our daily affairs, perhaps not. I am addicted to my daily horoscope in any form...print, online, podcast or video. Each morning I read my daily forecast and either nod in agreement or shake my head, heeding a dire warning. This week brings the full moon. Although its effect on mere mortals is disputed, most people will agree it seems to influence our behavior. That being said, I believe this must be a most powerful full moon because some behavior has been a little loony for about two weeks now. Could it be this is not moon-related? Yo no se. I'm feeling more confused than usual. In fact, I'm feeling a little anxious. When this happens, I listen to music to calm myself, to soothe frazzled nerves and to sing and dance myself into a relaxed state of mind.

Oh yes, it's tango time. I love Francisco Canaro. In fact, I just got hold of his CD that has my favorite tango on it, "Te Quiero". That song is the ring tone on my cell phone.
I'm listening to my tangos and giving my brain a rest. I'll let my heart take over for a while. It is so much more forgiving of my eccentricities.

.

pic~Book cover~Poe: Skeletons In The Closet

Venus Retrograde...And In Libra, No Less!

2010-10-07T23:29:00.003-04:00

"There she is. Come on over and give me a kiss."

John is waving in my direction from the reception desk. His Irish brogue carries across the crowded waiting room. I've listened to that brogue for over twelve years now.

"I'll be with you momentarily, John. I'm taking care of another patient, but I'll be back soon."

We cared for his late wife, too. He is living proof to me that there truly can be a broken heart.

After she died he was hospitalized many times for chest pain and blockages to his coronary arteries. We would see him every two to three months for a while there. Lately he's been spending more time with his family in Ireland. His daughters believe it does him a world of good. John disputes that belief.

"I might as well be in China for all the good it does me. Worry follows me. It's how I am."

I feel a special bond with John that's hard to explain. Maybe there's a certain chemistry.

Some patients stay with you. I remember some from over thirty years ago. Yikes!

A little while later, I hear Sandra call a familiar name. It's Julie's dad. He's having his test in Mario's room today. His wife told me it's hard for them to see me since Julie died. I understand, but it's sad. Later, while I'm talking to John about family things, Julie's dad walks by. He extends his hand and gives mine a gentle squeeze. Our eyes meet. We smile. He walks out the exit door without looking back.

I give John a hug and a kiss. He hands me a black plastic bag.

"Here, I picked this up for you. I knew I'd be seeing you, what with the chest pain at the airport. Handmade chocolates...for you."

Another hug and I'm back to work. I can't shake the feeling that the universe is telling me something. It's said when Venus goes retrograde in Libra we will learn lessons about past relationships that affect our present ones. It's so busy I have no time to ponder this mystery.

When I return home there are messages and phone calls. Before I know it, it's almost 11PM. Where did the day go? Then the lesson starts to sink in. Treasure your friends and loved ones now, for time does fly. My dear patients have lost their beloved wife and child and that loss changed them forever. Still, they live and they love. Lucky for me, for I hold them dear to my heart.

pic~natalie & the walrus :)

Delusions of The Full Moon Variety

2010-09-22T00:34:00.004-04:00

That plate smashes into the kitchen wall...shatters into a score of pieces. I haven't done that since 1973 and it feels good, real good. Silvery moonlight filters through my lacy curtains, creating odd moth eaten patterns on the linoleum floor. It's quiet on my corner tonight. No traffic noise or crunching fender benders, no couples arguing at top decibel in the middle of the street, not caring who hears what and no sirens...ambulance or fire engines...roaring down the parkway outside my window. Crickets sing their last hurrah. It's summer's last day for this year. We celebrate autumn's return at 11:09pm tomorrow. Although it is my favorite season, I am in no mood for celebration. A bit of self-pity and 'i just knew it' have crept out of my sub and into my consciousness. I was so sure the pattern was broken. This time I took my time and made the right choice, assuming it was a two-way street. It seems, as my friends will attest to, my sense of direction runs true...I have none. I did not realize I turned onto a one-way street, but it seems I am consistent. Well, that's good...I guess. Maybe a GPS is in order. Without one, I tend to drive around in circles for a while before I reach my destination. If that is the case, I am getting dizzy...I may need some help, but I will get there. Maybe I'll blame it on the full moon that's coming on Thursday.

I'm thinking another flying saucer may do me a world of good, but I don't feel like picking up the pieces, especially in bare feet. That leaves me quite vulnerable for injury and I've had enough of that. Perhaps it's best to maintain a holding pattern. After all, I don't know where I'm going anymore, so what's the rush? Sleep deprivation seems to go hand and hand with this need for GPS assistance. It is a real pain in the butt to feel so clueless, but I do. In another reality, I would hop on a plane and just go somewhere, but that's not an option right now.

Oooh, a fire engine just rolled down the street...set off a car alarm on the way. That's better...some noise to distract me. It will take more than that, though. Sleep will come, eventually. In the morning things will look different in the sunlight. I may even find that GPS I was looking for tonight. Right now that plate looks mighty tempting...more sirens?,,, oh, yeah!

Guardians of the Soul

2010-08-01T18:30:00.006-04:00

Sagittarius Horoscopes

(Nov 22 - Dec 21)

Next Week

For the Week of Aug 2nd, 2010 -- Your desire to avoid emotional drama may be difficult to achieve this weekend. Planets are firing off rockets that can explode in sudden attraction or blast away trust you have in another person. If you have someone special in your life, treat him or her as tenderly as you can, even when reason has flown the coop. Staying cool in the chaos is your best move.

Not surprisingly, I decided to sip a margarita this evening in lieu of the more traditional pain medication at my disposal. My body is on the mend. It reminds me of this any time I try to overextend my resources. There is no choice...I listen. My cat, Elliot, has taken it upon himself to be my personal bodyguard. This is quite amusing. He sticks to my like glue...at my feet, by my side and, of course, underfoot..."Oh, my God! Are you trying to kill me?" Even Monet has been solicitous. Animals sense human stress, be it emotional or physical and have their way of showing support. Some are more tuned in than others. They don't say a word. They are there for you.

There are people like this, too. They don't always have much to say, but they are there, present, when you need that extra energy. Words don't always work. I'm never sure I'll say the 'right' ones, anyway. Just knowing that someone is thinking of you when you need that extra boost gives a certain peace of mind. It is a blessing.

The ancient Egyptians considered cats sacred for practical and spiritual reasons. Some said they were guardians of the home and the soul. Maybe so. I've known a couple of contenders, feline and human, for that honor. Very glad to have them in my life.

Cap'n, I Think She's Gonna Blow

2010-07-04T13:45:00.004-04:00

Have you ever walked into the flame? You know the inevitable outcome. The best case scenario is you are only seriously wounded...worst case, destruction. Perhaps not annihilation, but part of you will not survive. Is this always a negative thing?

It brings to mind the original Star Trek with Captain Kirk, Mr. Spock, Bones and Scotty racing around the Enterprise after some nefarious Klingon attack. Sirens blare, red lights flash and Spock stoically spews scientific data predicting the eminent demise of the entire crew. Does Kirk flinch? Well, grimace, perhaps, but he races on to confront his fate...and that of his crew. Controlled chaos ensues with explosions, sparks and smoke...but when the smoke clears the heart of the Enterprise is still intact. Kirk, Spock, Bones, Scotty and even Uhuru are on deck, a gash here, a bandage there...maybe a limp. They may have lost some ancillary personnel on deck 3 and deck 8, but the guts of the operation are still operational.

"Aye, Cap'n, I thought she was gonna blow this time."

"Mr. Scott, I knew you could pull it off. Mr. Spock, are we clear?"

"Yes, Captain. All systems are functional."

"Steer a course for AlphaBetaMega, Mr. Chekov."

Off they blast, into the stars, a tiny speck in the universe.

That's how things happen in life, too. When we're in the thick of it there's little time to think or feel. Just that need to survive, but not to avoid the challenge. We may be singed, but we find we can still move pretty fast when we have to.

It does the soul good to walk through the fire sometimes. Personally, I don't make a habit of it, but it is invigorating. Do you smell something burning?

inspired, in part by Sometime Around Midnight by the Airborne Toxic Event and in part by life ;)

Greeks Bearing Gifts

2010-06-23T10:21:00.006-04:00

Niko came in to have his heart tested today. We've been through this ritual many times. He reminds me of Zorba. His laugh is infectious and his outlook always positive. His family lives here and in Greece. His nephew, Nick, was going to start his own business, a small restaurant in Astoria. Niko gave him start-up money and his blessing. "What do you think this kid did with the money? He decides he needs some time to think so he takes his girlfriend and they go to Spain. Why Spain? Who knows?" Now he's laughing. "Ah, it's okay. Maybe he's right. Sometimes you need to be free for a while." I couldn't help it. I had to ask. "But, Niko. What about the money?" Generosity is not as popular in these financially trying times. "I don't worry 'bout that, Blondie. Not so important. I'll live." He was still laughing. "Life is good. Spain, Greece, Astoria...it is good. Did you wake up today? Yes! So, this is your blessing. Money comes, money goes. Enjoy life. Nick, he's a good boy. He will be okay. I will be okay. Love, we have love. Money does not trump love...not for me, not ever." Now I was smiling. Niko is a gambler. He enjoys Atlantic City and travels to Vegas when the gaming spirit moves him. He took a chance with his nephew. He chose to see it as win-win. "When he comes home, we'll talk. No more money, but sometimes you need more than money. So, it's done."

Many people feel they must hold on to what they have just to survive. If they are not in survival mode, they are worried about tomorrow. Maybe they feel their way of life is on the line. It seems they are trying to hold on to what they have. This may seem like a good idea, but it promotes a mentality of poverty. "I don't have enough...There might not be any left...When will I get more?" This attitude affects your sense of self. If you feel poor, you feel less. Anxiety goes up, optimism goes down. Soon, you're fulfilling your own prophecy. Yep, see, I am suffering. There is a solution. Give someone a gift.

A dear friend of mine has a friend who drives her crazy. Nope, not me this time. He always sees the glass as half empty...Mr. Negative. They have known one another for many years. Although they seem at odds often, they give one another support all the time. For all the bickering and complaining, they remain friends.

The gift of friendship is not to be given lightly. It is a commitment and a bond. The beautiful thing about it is that it is reciprocal. It is in the highest category of gift giving. This is an ongoing gift for both people. It is re-gifting the soul, for true friends get to know each other's deepest feelings and dreams. That's a big responsibility. Some hide from it. Some fear it. Others deny themselves this gift thinking the price is too high. On reflection, I think not giving and receiving this gift is the saddest choice you will make. Life is a bumpy ride. Having friends, true friends, along the way to share the highs and lows, gives you wealth beyond any treasure you possess.

The gift of love is simple. Ask Niko as he dances through life. You listen to your heart. Now, filter out the pro and con voices of the brain for a while. There's time for that, but not now. What does your heart feel when you want to give the gift of love? What does it feel when the gift is offered to you? The brain may get all panicky and crazy. This didn't work before. I'm not ready. This is not the right time. I've had enough changes...I need time for myself...okay, did you get that out of your system? Now, take a deep breath and just feel your heart beat. It tells you the truth. It will protect you, though you feel so vulnerable, so transparent. You are not alone...is that scary, too? It's all right. Your heart never rests. It feels everything. It will take you where you need to go, follow it. That doesn't mean you're skipping down the primrose path. We are back on that Rocky Road to Dublin, but, remember your friend? You know your heart wouldn't steer you to just anybody. You'll be traveling that road with your best friend. That's how real love starts and finishes. The heart knows. Once you open your heart to the gift of love, your heart returns the favor. It's a freakin' love fest. Dance with Niko and Zorba. Throw the plates. Lift your hands in the air. Listen to your heart.

Ch-Ch-Changes

2010-06-21T23:45:00.004-04:00

I'm at sixes and sevens, so I decided to change a few things that are easy to handle. One is the look of this blog...it was time. The other is my fb profile pic.

Sometimes I am afraid of change. It can be scary. It can be uncomfortable. It is often unexpected. Last, but not least, it can be wonderful. Try it, you'll like it. Baby steps are good.

Check out the blog. Like it?

There is some big stuff on the horizon. This is a practice run.

Summer Gold and Blue

2010-06-20T13:06:00.003-04:00

Summer Sunday...Father's Day...steamy New York weather. Storms on the horizon, but blue patches and sunshine still smile down on us. The humidity wraps around me as I walk to the grocery store for one thing I forgot yesterday...red peppers. The warm close sensation feels good for a little while, but the air-conditioned store is refreshing. Tomorrow is the first day of summer.

A celebration of summer is traditional...gold is the color of the day. Sunflowers beckon from their container in the produce section. I don't resist. Sunflowers are just what I want to welcome summer to Glen Oaks. My relationship with this season would best be described as "it's complicated". A lot of unexpected stuff happens to me and people I love in the months of June, July and August. This makes me a bit wary of summer, but I do enjoy the enforced slow down for a while. This summer is no exception. There are health issues and high drama rears its regal head. We even christened a fire pit last night under the watchful 'eye' of a NYPD helicopter. This wild bunch was caught in the act of making s'mores...we shared.

While the fire was burning, I had a long conversation with a friend I haven't seen in many years. We caught up on family things, then talk turned to here and now...and tomorrow. Lately, I've realized that tomorrow has low priority for me. Here and now is what it's all about because it's all I'm sure of at any given moment. I mean, I think about the future, but I don't angst over it the way I used to because, on reflection, it's a waste of energy. My friend is in the process of making a major lifestyle change. That is scary and exciting. Only the person making the change can decide which one of those feelings is holding the high card. I don't give much advice on these matters. She will be the one to mind her own counsel.

We spoke of people we love, here and gone. Van Morrison, singing 'Brown Eyed Girl', backed up the conversation for a while. We smiled. We got it. Change is constant in life, but some other things remain constant, too. Love and friendship endure those changes. The only way you get that is by living life. Another friend arrived. She was totally frazzled trying to coordinate last minute details of her daughter's upcoming nuptials. We sipped white sangria and compared notes on parenting daughters. We sipped more sangria. Despite the frazzle factor, we counted our blessings.

As I surveyed the gathering around the fire pit, I realized this is the beginning of summer. We brought it in with the traditional crawfish boil and oh, so much more bounty. I assured my friends the best is yet to come. I truly believe that. Summertime blues not withstanding, what I see in my here in now is awesome. Peeking into the future looks pretty damn good, too. My body will get its tune-up soon and it will be all systems go. I'll be dancing in the firelight, enjoying now, knowing that very good things are on the horizon.

Oaxaca 2009

Heart Care

2010-06-03T10:38:00.008-04:00

Smell of alcohol on his breath. My first patient said his memory wasn't too good. I recognize that scent...lived with an alcoholic for a while. It was a matter of personal safety...alcohol=danger, no alcohol=50/50. I can usually identify the type of alcohol imbibed...this morning, I'd say vodka. Not too much, just enough to take the edge off. The edge of pain, of fear, of anger, of grief or memories...it's an individual edge. This man was having his heart tested today. That's what I do, I care for hearts.

Strange how we earn our bread and butter. I've been in the heart care business for about twenty years. Sometimes, though, I forget how to care for my own. Lately, I think I've been doing a much better job. Care and maintenance of your heart can be a tricky thing if you don't listen to it. You need to be very quiet. Music can take you to the right place. Your brain may try to butt in...don't let it...at least, not now. Things you hear on the cardiac network might contradict so called common sense. That's okay. Let the song of your heart echo through your entire being. It will tell you the truth. Not what is right or wrong, good, bad or ugly. It will sing you the truth. Your choice is to make it a duet or let it float along into the universe solo.

Keeping your heart open is another important part of caring for your ticker. Clinically, this means one thing. I'm talking open heart policy. This can leave you susceptible to heartache and even heartbreak. It's worth the risk. The effect of closing your heart is worse than any pain you may endure. Closing the heart leads to a loss of feeling and hardening of the emotions. Ouch! An open heart leads to a joyful life. Warm and fuzzy feelings have also been reported.

Next, sharing your heart. This sounds a little messy. It can be, but in a good way. The more you share, the more heart there is to go around. This is an unexplained and wondrous phenomena. It takes getting used to, especially if you have been guarding your heart for a while. People tend to guard their heart after it's been broken or crushed...very understandable. The idea of letting the drawbridge to castleheart down is scary. It took a long time to dig that moat and stock it with fear-eating catfish. Take it easy. Lower it a notch at at time. Good things are on the way. No knights on chargers or damsels in distress on the horizon. That's another tale. See, things out there have potential.

Taking my own advice is not always easy for me. This time, I found it much simpler than in the past. Must be some of that older=wiser stuff going on. Whatever it is, I am grateful for the chance to fluff up my heart and let it sing to me. It is a beautiful vibrant song.

heart shrine~love fell into itself

On Memorial Day 2010

2010-05-31T10:13:00.004-04:00

Summery sunshine and blue sky brings in this Memorial Day here in Queens. There's a big parade just down Littleneck Parkway on Northern Boulevard. My flag is in the window, red, white and blue behind the lace curtains. It's the unofficial beginning of summer. It's the official day of remembrance for soldiers who died in our Civil War...now for all fallen soldiers in our many wars. Each one of us has our own recollections. I know I don't need a special day for that, yet, I know it is a way to remind people what price freedom has and how horrific war really is.

Summer is a strange season for me. It seems many major changes initiate for me during the summer months. At one time I actually would dread the months of June, July and August. They seemed to incubate disruption during their steamy days. Fortunately, I've come to understand that this disruption of my norm is part of life's heartbeat. Sometimes it skips a beat, other times the rate accelerates and it might even throw in a few extra lub-dubs to keep me on my toes. Now, I don't take all these changes as an exception...more like a random pattern that occurs when necessary. Whenever I think I 'get it', what I get is a little zap. Complacency is stagnation, so the gods of summer throw a monkey wrench into the mix. I like monkeys, but things may get chaotic for a while. When the dust and banana peels settle, I begin to see reason to the rhyme.

So, here I am. Official or not, summer begins. Not wanting to disappoint me, the gods of summer have started the monkeyshines. Some are scary and some are amazingly wonderful. Welcome to my summer revelations. By the time I reach September, I'm sure things will be calmer. Well, I'm not really sure, but I'm okay with whatever evolves.

I've been clearing out many years of stuff. Spring cleaning continues to Summer cleaning...risky business. There are old paintings I've culled, but one that I love is Abuelita. I painted her in my parent's basement one summer's day, while I was trying to keep cool. She has been with me since then.

There are some things to hold and others to set free. Ah, summertime! This year, I do look forward to the shakeup. I moved Abuelita to the Oaxaca wing of my apartment. She seems right at home there. We all know, home is where the heart is.

Abuelita~painted mid-late '60's ;)

Generous Heart

2010-05-23T08:16:00.004-04:00

Elliot is sitting on my lap, purring and head-butting the lap top. That is his way of showing affection, although the head-butting does get him in trouble on occasion. He stops, momentarily distracted by a cardinal's call, but resumes his ritual. The cardinal, oblivious to the cat and the human this side of the window, continues his song to his lady. His scarlet feathers puffed out at his throat, black cap shining in the early morning sun, all seems well in his world. It's a heartfelt serenade and soon there is a smaller female cardinal next to him. Her feather colors are more subdued, but she certainly has our boy's attention. When you let the song in your heart fly good things can happen. Then again, there are no guarantees. Sometimes you open your heart and another reaches in and scoops out some love, leaving nothing in exchange. Some people are expert at taking, but haven't quite gotten the knack of giving. This is not necessarily a malicious intent. Maybe it's how their brain is wired. Maybe the connection to the heart short circuited.

If this happens to you, if your heart gets scooped and you find it feels a little empty, don't be too concerned. Hearts have an amazing capacity for regeneration. It may take some time or it may happen overnight. If you are blessed with a generous heart you will find the joy of giving far outweighs the occasional scooping deficit. Live and learn. The generous heart seems to overflow, so sharing and giving of itself is almost a survival instinct...almost like breathing. The generous heart seems fragile to those who don't have one. They caution against giving too much or trusting the wrong people or thinking with your heart, not your head. Well, this is advice to take into consideration, but the generous heart knows these things...and still shares the love.

So, maybe a big box of heart band-aides is in the medicine cabinet. That's okay. If you are really living life you are bound to get a few bumps and bruises along the road. That generous heart may look like its been through a war, but it is the most beautiful heart imaginable. It can see the negative in you, but it focuses on the positive. Others may have given up on you, but this heart knows that you are capable of getting back on track. This generous heart is in your cheering section at all times. This heart will not lie, but will deliver the truth with kindness and compassion. This heart accepts who you are, takes you for you and does not judge.

As you may have guessed, generous hearts are a rare breed. They may even be on the endangered hearts list. If you are fortunate enough to have one touch your heart, sing Hallelujah! Sing it loud and sing it from your soul. They will change your life. Once touched by a generous heart an amazing transformation occurs. Your heart learns what it means to truly give with no heartstrings attached. It is liberating and a blessing beyond words.

heart sketch for shrine based on david olney's beautiful 'if my eyes were blind'

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P-dBzTNyhG0&feature=related

Waiter, There's A Monster In My Soup

2010-04-30T10:40:00.005-04:00

Heading for the Bayou tonight for music and some gumbo. I don't expect anything unexpected to surface in my soup bowl, but strange things do happen. Sometimes I' m asked why I write about vampires, with a zombie or a shape-shifter thrown in for good measure.

First, it's fun. I've enjoyed the dark side of fantasy since I was a child. Snow White's evil queen and her magic mirror fascinated me. Why was she so cruel? The monsters I write about do not walk this earth. Their realm is the imagination...places where a cold sweat might begin. What's under the bed or in that closet when the lights go out? Are those branches scratching against the window pane? What makes you hurry down the street at night...did you really hear a voice or is it the wind whining in the leaves? Second, that adrenalin rush always turns me on. It seems natural to explore the scary side of fantasy. Yeah, I like big roller coasters, too.

There are other monsters I find much more horrific than my blood-thirsty crew. These are the monsters of our realm. Child molesting pedophiles, rapists, sadistic brutes, abusive parents and psychic vampires are more terrifying than the fictional side show. They wreak havoc every day. I've encountered a few choice specimens, as I'm sure you have. They are commonplace in our society. If they've ever crossed your path, I don't think you would describe the event as commonplace, though.

My stories may have elements of real world monsters in them. Some are evil, some are...different. You might find you feel a twinge of sympathy for my fantastic monster. Maybe he didn't choose this life. Maybe she was betrayed. Maybe they were in the wrong place at the wrong time. After all, this is make believe. I have no sympathy for real monsters. You may have heard where 'sympathy' is in the dictionary...between 'shit' and 'syphilis'. That sums up my feelings about sympathy for those miscreants. The devastation they cause is beyond words.

Give me a blood-sucking Nosferatu or a howling werewolf any day. They are what they are. Maybe they've have moved from Transylvania or the moors of England, but their song remains the same. They will give you a good scare. Sometimes, they'll give you a good laugh. After all, they're only non-human, not inhumane.

Scramble Through The Brambles

2010-04-18T09:54:00.012-04:00

A mass of branches and burgundy leaves filter the view from my kitchen window. The Japanese maple tree planted eighteen years ago is reaching for heaven. It reminds me of the thorny brambles that covered Sleeping Beauty's castle when she fell into slumber under that magic spell...you know, the one with the spindle. It doesn't take a spell nor a spindle to allow the brambles to grow tall and wild. No one can find a way past the spiky barrier and, after a while, they stop trying and leave Ms. Beauty to dream about Prince Charming. Only, the prince has his own stuff to deal with. As the years go by, the brambles grow more tangled, the thorns sharper. Everyone and everything in the castle is frozen in time, insulated from outside influence.

You may think this is a safe cocoon, but that's not always the case. Things and people become stagnant without something to stir them up once in a while. A little down time is how we recharge. There is a too-much-of-a-good-thing syndrome and Ms. Beauty may have succumbed to it.

Rumor has it, she was fed up with all the princes in the neighboring kingdoms prancing in on their chargers, trying to impress her. She was tired of the permanent smile on her face. Those fru-fru ball gowns made her skin itch. Her parents kept pushing her to find a nice prince and settle down. She was bored out of her gourd. While hiding in the garden behind a sprawling rosebush, she realized she was not alone. There was this evil fairy godmother type sitting on a tree stump.

"Hey, sugar...what brings you to my neck of the garden? Let me guess...avoiding another prince encounter?"

"They're okay, for princes, but I'd like to just close my eyes and have them all disappear. They are driving me nuts!"

"Heh! I think I can help you out there...meet me in the north tower at midnight."

So, you see, Ms. Beauty may have been compliant with this plot. She was feeling desperate, understandably so. It's the old story...be careful what you wish for. Wishing for a respite from clamoring admirers is natural. Just don't share it casually with evil fairy godmother types. You can recognize them by the long black dress, the sneering smile and the tattered wings...it's a dead giveaway. That's my cautionary tale for the day.

Fortunately, the tree branches outside my window just block the view. It's business as usual inside my castle. I confess, I have been somewhat somnambular for a while, but, lately I'm feeling quite perky. I don't need any hedge clipping to find what I'm looking for. Well, maybe Edward Scissorhands could stop by once in a while. I like topiary...ahh, Johnny Depp. Oh yeah, where was I? I hope Ms. Beauty and Prince Charming did live happily ever after. I'm thinking they have as good a chance as any. Of course, no one can make you happy if you aren't already there. That ever after is a crap shoot. Who knows?

Sometimes, I have to deal with very unpleasant people. For the most part, people are fun to be with, but I interact with quite a few during any given day. By the time I get back to the castle, I enjoy letting my hair down, but that's another story. I relax with assemblage, reading, writing, music...all that stuff. What I treasure is quiet time. Doing nothing, letting my mind go where it will, is a delight. I don't mind having a bramble or two in the garden. There's a wide open path to my front door. All you have to do is knock.

picture~Edward Scissorhands...ahh, Johnny ;)

Dust In The Wind Or I'm In One of Those Moods Again

2010-04-11T11:13:00.010-04:00

Some days you wake up with someone on your mind. I did today. It took me by surprise because I hadn't traveled that memory lane for a while. Then it came to me. Today is Harry's birthday. He's been gone a long time. The only family he had left, his two maiden aunts, laid him to rest up in Nova Scotia, near his mom. So long ago, but sometimes a moment flashes into your mind and it's as though it was yesterday. I shook it off and headed for the coffee pot. Sundays usually give me some time to relax in the morning, read the paper, go online and not think about too much. A little while later I was perusing Facebook and there was a link to 'Misty Roses' by Tim Hardin. That song was playing when I met Harry, New Year's Eve, 1969. We got into a discussion about Tim Hardin and his music.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sW8HToAEV-g

Then, there is this beautiful poem, 'Eastern Tones' by Will Crawford, a moving tribute to Tim Hardin and his music.

http://www.facebook.com/notes.php?id=1478974110

Okay, I guess I can't ignore Harry today, though Lord knows I tried. He was like that. He said it was his Norwegian tenacity. I had other names for it. After we went our separate ways, we would bump into one another on occasion. I guess we still do, so why fight it? That's my point.

A dear friend of mine told me I've been spending too much time in the past lately. In a way, that is true. I've been letting go of things that have become too heavy to carry, finally realizing I've been rolling so many boulders up that hill. It wears you down. I can just walk away. Now, old habits are hard to break, but it feels so good to set myself free, one boulder at a time.

The past and the present are woven together. There is no way to completely separate them. I wouldn't want to do that. There are days when memories just float by and there are days when they kind of hit you upside your head. Some theories say time does not proceed in a straight line, that it is more fluid. It ebbs and flows. I vote for fluid. Sometimes it's like riding whitewater rapids. You hold on for dear life, exhilarated, while everything on the shoreline appears as a long blur. Other times, that river slows almost to a standstill and everything around you is crystal clear.

The last stage of my hair project brought me back to Salon Plus. The building has stucco walls, arched windows and has been there for about thirty years. You get the distinct feeling of being in another time and place when you walk through that portal. As I waited, I chatted with Maria. "It's hard to believe I've been with Tina twenty-seven years." Twenty-seven years? Have I been going here for hair magic for twenty-seven years? Yep. The oldies music played on in the background. I sat back, shook my head and smiled. Cool. Life, live it, love it.

This brings me to 'Dust In The Wind' by Kansas and this lovely video, filmed in 1977. I guess we are, so enjoy the ride.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1qxSwJC3Ly0

random photo, but they are so cute!

thanks to marlene & hank for the links ;)

special thanks to will crawford

and, happy birthday, harry...hope you're playing tim hardin wherever you may be...

Moon Crossing the River Styx

2010-04-05T14:41:00.006-04:00

Yesterday was one of those glorious spring days you treasure. The sky was truly azure, not a cloud in sight. I guess it was about 75 with just a mild breeze blowing. It was Easter Sunday and also, my late Dad's birthday. The little guys were in the yard blowing bubbles and kicking a soccor ball around. My brother Mark and I were talking in the kitchen. "Vic, I have a bottle of scotch I got from Dad's basement years ago. I only take it out on his birthday and have one drink. How about joining in a toast to Dad?" Out came a bottle of Chivas, about three quarters full. Mark put ice in two glasses and poured. We wished Reuben a happy birthday. Mark put the scotch away, in the back of the cabinet, until next year. Other people wandered in and the conversation turned to other things. My Dad loved to cook and he loved family gatherings, so we always feel he's hanging out with us on these occasions. Would he miss his own birthday?

My mom sat in the living room with her eyes closed. Pete was napping in a recliner. John greeted me with "Welcome to the half-time room". Mom opened her eyes, looked at me and smiled. She got up and moved closer to me. "I'm glad to see you." She has good days and lost days. Yesterday was kind of a mix. Her Alzheimer's is slowly progressing and at this point, she still realizes that fact. We spoke of friends. We spoke of Dad. We spoke of her great-grandchildren. I used to mourn the loss of the parts of her that are gone. Sometimes, I still do, but I realized I want to celebrate that part of her that still is present. It frightens me to think of what she is going through. I used to stop by to visit her in the house I grew up in. There was always a cup of tea, some Entenmann's cake and conversation. "So, Victoria, tell me what's new," followed by the latest church choir gossip or her conversation with one of her sisters. Toward the end of her stay in that house she would look at me and say "I know I'm losing it, Vickie, but I don't know what to do." What do you do? She was frightened all the time, but she refused to have anyone stay with her. It must have been like being in one of those fun house mirror mazes. Nothing was what it appeared to be for her. She was lost in her own home.

My horoscope today advised me the moon was crossing the River Styx, into the realm of Pluto, the god of the underworld. I thought of my mom. According to mythology, there are five rivers which separate the living from the netherworld, Styx, the river of hate, which circles the underworld nine times, Acheron the river of woe, Cocytus, the river of lamentation, Pyriphlegethon, the river of fire and Lethe, the one my mom is crossing, the river of forgetfulness. It is a slow and difficult ride for the traveler and for those left behind. Like any journey, there are many adventures along the way. You never know what the fates have in store for you.

Life unfolded, the way it does. Mom lives in an assisted living facility close by. She's adapted and likes it. She calls it home, so home it is. I'm appreciating each day, instead of pining for something that is now a memory. No guarantee as to how long I get to keep those, anyway. So, here's to the here and now. It's the only thing that is real.

picture~natalie & caitlin, selder, ny easter 2010

April Fools for Love

2010-04-01T12:28:00.010-04:00

Traditionally April 1st is a day for pranks and a bit of mischief. This one brings to mind another type of fool. Have you ever been a fool for love? Some might say it's just the nature of the condition. In a way, I agree. Love has a way of turning you around. Your senses are altered. Your thinking is addled. Your demeanor may change from sad to happy or it may go from 'normal' to distressed. You become preoccupied. Maybe your attention span shortens. Daydreams become frequent. Sleep patterns may become very haphazard.

Ah, yes, I've been a fool for love. I have no regrets about it. It's an experience not to be missed. If you've never been there, maybe you are afraid to take the plunge, for plunge it is. It is a leap of faith. You needn't close your eyes...many do, but it's not recommended. Even with eyes open, things are not always what they seem when the love filter is on. Not to worry, they come into focus soon enough.

My coworker, Mario, returned from a vacation in Costa Rica, smitten by a beautiful woman he met just before he was to leave for home. When he first saw her, he didn't have the nerve to speak to her. Later, that's all he spoke about, driving his friends crazy. When they encountered the lovely senorita at a club two nights later, his friends made sure they made contact. That, as they say, was it.

Mario traveled to Costa Rica for his friends' wedding. Traditionally, the day before the wedding, the groom hires a mariachi band to sing to his fiance. He leads a procession of mariachis, family, friends and neighbors down the road to her home. There she waits behind closed doors, with the women of her family until he knocks on the door. If she accepts him, she opens the door, and he bestows gifts of flowers and jewelry. If not, the door stays closed. Bummer.

This day the door opened and the fiesta began. The entire neighborhood joined in the celebration of love. Mario was quite impressed.

Did all this affect his feelings before he met his lady? Quien sabe? Some say timing is everything. Well, it is part of the picture, but the rest? There is an element that cannot be defined by logic. Some call it fate. Some call it Cupid. Whether it's the fickle finger or Cupid's dart, when it gets you, you are changed forever. Mario has her phone number. They've talked a couple of times, but he complains it is not the same as looking into her eyes or reading the body language. I can dig it. I feel ya', man. Long distance romance can be a challenge, but all is fair in love. Play the cards you're dealt in the game of life. You never know when you'll win the jackpot.

Farewell, My Hero

2010-03-24T18:33:00.004-04:00

There was no phone call. An email from my brother Bob late last night, subject: Uncle Tony, said it all. I knew he was gone. I remembered the last conversation we had. We laughed about how we reached our respective ages. He thought my becoming a grandma was very cool, but he found it hard to believe. We spoke about family. He always kept in touch with my mom and worried about her.

When I was growing up Uncle Tony and Aunt Dorothea lived close to my parents. We spent a lot of time together. They were married for fifteen years before my cousin, Janice, was born. They were like a second set of parents to me. As I reached my teens and things would get tense on the home front, I always knew I had a safe port with the Cincottas'. We would go to shows with them, long Sunday drives or just hang out and laugh. When I got snowed in on the job and couldn't get home because the roads hadn't been plowed in Queens, Uncle Tony rescued me in his big Buick and took me back to Great Neck for a good meal and hot shower.

We used to joke about portions Uncle Tony would serve. Coming from a large family, our portions were moderate. Our best friends' had eleven children in their family. Their dad, Uncle Charlie, could cut a slice of cake you could read through. Uncle Tony would cut huge pieces of cake! It became a family tradition to ask, "Do you want an Uncle Charlie slice or an Uncle Tony slice?"

A few years ago Uncle Tony wrote his memoirs of his WWII experiences. He had been promoted to lieutenant in the field. I remember hearing many harrowing stories, but he always reminded us how horrific it was. He performed many heroic acts. He explained he just did what he had to do to survive. He was proud of his narrative and of his men. The local paper did a story about him and his war experiences. He said "Vickie, they treat me like a hero, now." I told him he always was and will be a hero to me.

Uncle Tony was the bravest man I've ever known. He taught me to drive. I know he's with his beloved Dorothea now. I was blessed a thousand times over to have them in my life. One day we will sit at the table together again, enjoying a slice of cake, good conversation and laughing 'til tears flow.

Stellar Communication

2010-03-21T20:44:00.007-04:00

General Weekly Love Horoscope Influences

We may be roaring like lions on Friday with the Moon in outgoing and outrageous Leo. But the mood turns more serious on Saturday when Luna enters cautious Virgo. This can be helpful for unraveling relationship complications as long as criticism is balanced with kindness

Sagittarius Horoscopes

(Nov 22 - Dec 21)

Next Week

For the Week of Mar 22nd, 2010 -- The Moon in a fellow fire sign should light you up on Thursday and Friday. But then it shifts into detail-oriented Virgo, requiring a bit more self-restraint during the rest of the weekend. Pride could be wounded when facing criticism, but actively listening and taking responsibility can heal a current partnership or bring some necessary realism to a potential new one.

When I feel confused or a mite upset I look to the stars for guidance. My horoscope helps me focus when my mind is spinning in too many directions. Technically, it's called overactive brain syndrome. I have endured this malady for my entire life. Even as a child I could not turn my brain off. It just kept ticking like that stinking pink bunny. I have come to accept that as a fact of my life. I'm cool with that, but it does frazzle me sometimes.

So, let's see what the stars say. Self-restraint--tough one, wounded pride--yes, but I'll live and criticism tempered with kindness--well, all right, I think we have something going here. Actively listening is also recommended. Now that might be problematic. Because of my thin-skinned wussiness, I'm not sure I can initiate the listening process, I'm a little skittish right now. If I slowly reach my hand out this time I know you can find me. It's a two-way street.

Some scoff at my affection for the stars and tarot cards. That's okay. I will use any crutch necessary to get me through the day...or night. It seems to work for me. It's quiet on the corner tonight. Only some cars and a few motorcycles passing by on the turnpike. That's a sure sign spring has arrived. It's a good night to relax and unwind. I think I will.

I Got The Fever...Spring Fever

2010-03-20T18:44:00.004-04:00

Elliot and Monet were running wild today. At least they thought they were. They were tearing around the house, chasing one another, knocking things over, being crazy cats. It seems I was not much better. Only three hours sleep and I was feeling a little wired myself. It's either spring fever or we are possessed by the road runner. Meep! It is the first day of spring, the vernal equinox.

I find when the seasons change it is rarely a smooth transition. People and animals get a bit jumpy. That's certainly true for me. Last year was a turbulent one for our family. Lots of changes and rearranges and readjusting; then things finally settled into a routine. Life calmed down for a while. As we meander the road we call life, there are detours sometimes. That is not necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes, the bridge is down up ahead and that detour will save you some serious damage. Going with the flow has never been my strong point, but I have learned it does work.

So many people I know and love are going through rough times right now. Their roads have lots of potholes and need some major repair, but that is the path they travel. Most are making the best of it. Some are not doing well. They've fallen and are having a hell of a time getting up no matter how many helping hands are offered. They don't even see the hands. They are focused on that mess of a road, but it's only a means to an end. Yeah, I know you know it's all about the journey, but it is! I don't know why this stuff happens to people. I don't have my Zen on today. Some tell me I think too much. Is that possible? I mean, it just happens, right?

No matter how twisted, bumpy, holey or messed up that road is, I'm on it. Not only am I on it, I will give you a hand whenever or wherever you need it. I may be shrinking...sigh...but I still have my strength. My strength isn't my muscular measure. My strength is my spirit. I mean, if you want me to carry you I will give it my best shot, but get real. If you let me, I will lift you up and walk with you on that meandering road to who knows where. You never know who you will meet along the way, but I know in my heart of hearts it will not be a dull journey. That's a promise. It's the first day of spring and I am on fire.

pic~first day of spring from my kitchen window

May The Road Rise To Meet You

2010-03-15T14:23:00.004-04:00

St. Patrick's Day is one of my favorite holidays. Not so much for the raucous debauchery that occurs throughout the city, but because it has always been a family celebration. The Irish roots on my maternal side are deep and strong. They certainly have a strong hold on my psyche. My dad, whose family hails from the north of Spain, became used to the shenanigans after a while. Certain things did drive him over the edge. Green potatoes or green milk did not sit well with him. Nor did green hair, as I found out one year after being suspended from school for "improper school dress".

We always gathered the clan for a corned beef and cabbage dinner. It became a tradition to invite family and friends. Our German neighbors and our Italian neighbors joined us singing Danny Boy and Wearin' of the Green. My mom would fix the dinner while my dad drove her crazy helping in the kitchen. Irish coffee was always served in glasses reserved for the occasion. The house was filled to overflow with love and affection.

One year, I lost a good friend on St. Patrick's Day. We worked together for ten years, through strikes and parties and day to day dramas. Davey was born with cystic fibrosis. Most days were a struggle for him, but you would never know it. His sense of humor was razor sharp and on the money. I would dissolve in tears of laughter at his comments. Sometimes, just a look was enough to get the giggles going. He listened when I had my trials and tribulations. I did the same for him. All his coworkers came to love him dearly.

The morning he died, he tried to say goodbye, but sometimes we don't want to hear it. Dave had been hospitalized many times. Although he was thirty two he still was placed in the Adolescent Unit because, at that time, most cystic fibrosis patients did not live much longer than their teens. Dave was a fighter. He raised his younger brother after their father died during open heart surgery. He walked the picket line with us. When I became management, he would call to ask how things were going, make disparaging remarks about the bosses and leave me laughing even though I had cross the line every day.

When Kris and I went into his room he told us he was too tired to fight. These were words we never heard from him before, so we made some inane comments, told him we'd be up to see him soon and went back to work. A few hours later we got the call. "Come quick, it's Davey. Hurry!" I was seven months pregnant, but I outran Kris up the stairs. "He's gone, girls. I'm so sorry."

His brother was with him at the end. There is no easy way to say farewell.

I think of Dave when someone makes just the right comment about a politician or authority figure that has it all wrong. There are so many. His dry humor and acerbic wit still echo. The thing that still touches my heart is his affection for all of us, especially his brother and his family. So, on St. Patrick's Day, this one's for you, Davey...with a little scotch on the side.

May the road rise to meet you

May the wind be at your back.

May the sun shine warm upon your face,

May the rain fall soft upon your fields,

And, until we meet again,

May God hold you in the palm of his hand.

More Poets & Poetry...

2010-03-09T23:51:00.005-05:00

Just a little addendum regarding poets and poetry...

Every day I count my blessings, and there are many. Some days I get my head wrapped around something and it is difficult for me to let it go. This may be a song, a conversation or an anxiety-provoking thought. As the day progresses many things occur to reinforce the anxiety level, which comes quite naturally to me. It is 99% in my mind. Intellectually, I get that, but it doesn't always prevent the domino effect of 'what if...'

Fortunately for me, a poem can take me to a safe place. Words soothe, they have my mind travel a different road. There may be a smile or a tear or both on the way. It is another blessing I count, as is the poet, who helps me put things in perspective...not an easy task sometimes.

Amen ;)

painting~addendum to 1985ish work

In Praise of Poets

2010-03-07T22:23:00.006-05:00

Sirens, first one, then another, and, wait for it, a third. It is 6AM on a Sunday morning. All I want is a little more sleep. Now I am really awake. Well, not completely awake, I am just not a morning person. Like many of my peers, I must function to some extent in the early hours, but I am usually more comfortable later in the day. As I sit up in bed I can see the sun is rising. That's a good sign, but something feels a bit off. Maybe I had a strange dream...I don't remember. There has been some drama. Perhaps this is the residue. In my thoughts, out of my thoughts. Thought turns to coffee. Soon, I am holding a cup in my hand, wandering to the computer. It's quiet. My neighbors are not stomping and yelling at one another yet, a delightful reprieve from the sound of apartment living.

I check my email, reading my horoscope for the day first. There is an email saying I've been tagged by a poet. You may have visions of an early morning cybergame of hide and seek. Maybe, during the night, poets wander neighborhoods placing tags on people, much as you would band a bird. No, nothing like that. A tag is way of sharing information, in this case, a poem. I love being tagged first thing in the morning. This means the second thing I read is a poem. That is a wonderful way to begin a new day.

Let me explain, I am not a poet. I have written poems. In fact, I still write haiku a few times a week, exchanging words with a cyber-friend in Hawaii. We've done this for a few years now. Haiku suits my temperament and short attention span in the morning. Any more than seventeen syllables would be a total overload for me that early in the day. I enjoy reading poetry and listening to readings, live or recorded.

I fell into Facebook reluctantly last summer. Coincidentally, I fell in with the poets because of one book of poetry. I had been waiting for this book for a while. After hearing the poetry being read aloud, I was intrigued. I heard this book would be published soon, so I kept checking and found it in September. I read it through cover to cover. I carried it to work. I took it to Oaxaca, but I'm getting ahead of myself. After I received the book, it occurred to me the author might be on Facebook. He was, so I contacted him and we became 'friends'. Fortunately for me, he generously shared his poetry with me and other 'friends' by tagging us. As time went on, I was friended by other poets, to my delight. The many voices have their own unique way of singing out to us. For a few minutes early in the morning, during the day or late at night I am transported away from the personal drama that is daily life and taken to another place. It may be some one's home town, it may be a dark Gothic dream or maybe a waltz of words. I have had the pleasure of meeting a very wise dog and have been taken for a ride on a roller coaster of words.

If you asked me last year if I would be on Facebook I would have laughed. I'm told I have a suspicious nature. Paranoid may be the word. Not so, just careful. If you asked me if I would be reading poems every day I may have wistfully answered, no. Maybe haiku once in a while.

Isn't life grand?

picture~painted 1985ish ;)

Beneath Broken Hearts

2010-02-21T14:21:00.006-05:00

General Weekly Love Horoscope Influences
There is a sense of anticipation as well as some concerns about love as the week builds toward a powerful Virgo Full Moon on Sunday. Carefully contained emotions may break loose, causing crises in some relationships and bringing revelations to others. Don't allow small details to undermine self-esteem or a partnership when a minor adjustment can have a major healing effect.

Sagittarius Horoscopes

(Nov 22 - Dec 21)

Next Week

For the Week of Feb 22nd, 2010 -- While you may want to party hardy on Friday, the planets shift into a more reserved mood on Saturday night. So, if you want to be loud, proud and out there this weekend, do it sooner than later. Demonstrating self-restraint and an ability to quietly discuss grown-up issues may not sound very exciting, but it will definitely make you a more desirable partner.

Hmmm...I don't know about a more reserved mood on Saturday night. I'm heading to the Bayou for some luscious Cajun cooking and a tall rum something blue. The motley crew is congregating for good company and a few hours of silliness in the name of camaraderie and stress relief. Self-restraint and grown-up issues will be on hold for a while, with any luck. Of course, it is supposed to snow again on Tuesday and Thursday, so who knows? That's part of winter and part of the blue mood that has settled on some of the comrades. Personally, I seem to be a bit hyperactive, which can be attributed to my normal ebb and flow and cabin fever. Let's see what a full moon does to this mix.

The good news is I've been creating a lot of art, which feels good to me. The art is for a Haitian relief project, which I'm almost ready to launch. The shrines will be for sale on Etsy, with all profits going to the Clinton Foundation for Haitian Relief . I intend to keep this going for quite a while. The people have nothing. They need basics...food, shelter, clean water and protection from dysentery and other disease borne by disaster. Whatever your politics may be, there is room for compassion for our fellow women, children and men who are working through this devastation with amazing spirit. Other artists, poets and all around good people have contributed their art and supplies for this endeavor. For that, I am most grateful. I will post all the information in the next week or two when I have a couple of more shrines complete for sale. I am loving this!

horoscope~tarot.com

pics~beneath broken hearts shrine, a work in progress~open & closed views

poetry by scott wannberg

Fear Factor

2010-01-17T12:23:00.007-05:00

Sagittarius Horoscopes

(Nov 22 - Dec 21)Next Week

For the Week of Jan 18th, 2010 -- The slow pace you encounter in others might be a little frustrating this weekend. When you're ready to play or connect with someone you don't like to waste your time. Yet being patient is key to earning the trust required to get closer to an attractive individual. Playing it cool at first is your best chance to finally generating the heat that your heart desires.

Gawd!! I know patience is a virtue I need to cultivate. I am trying. Last night I saw The Lovely Bones with Helen. It is the kind of movie that might get you thinking about relationships in your life. We stopped at the Skyline Diner on the way home for coffee and conversation. Naturally, the conversation gravitated to relationships. The usual head scratching about the Mars/Venus thing led to more questions. At this stage of my life I thought I would have a better handle on this, but evidently, it's one of life's mysteries...at least for me. Helen smiled when I said I thought that some men were afraid of me.

"Yeah, they're afraid, very afraid. You are about as subtle as a bulldozer."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F2cLmbCyzhE

This is true. It's that no patience thing. Most of the time, when someone is giving me information or telling me something on the job I'll ask them to cut to the chase. If I need any explanation or elaboration I'll ask. Just the facts, ma'am...or sir. It carries over to the home front and is the source of much anxiety, it seems.

You'd think I would learn from past experience. Old habits die hard. Yes, I do know a sign of insanity is expecting a different result from the same behavior...I'm working on the sanity. It puzzled me...why the fear factor?

"Most people do not jump into situations head first. You can really hurt yourself if you do. Think about it. Has this worked for you in the past?"

Helen's eyes grew wide as she stared into mine. We simultaneously burst into hysterical laughter. The obvious answer...not really.

I will never be the laid back, level headed woman who just goes about her business, waiting patiently for the universe to reveal it's answer. I will take two giant steps back, try to keep out of trouble and have more faith in the natural order of things. Well, that's what I want to do. I'm still a work in progress.

To the men I have frightened or disturbed in any way, I offer a sincere apology and some advice. Be patient with me. Once you get to know me, I'm not as terrifying as I seem to be. Well, ok, maybe I am, but you'll get used to it. Give it time.

horoscope~tarot.com

A Little Piece of My Heart

2010-01-03T08:53:00.005-05:00

The third day of the new year flies in on wintry wind. It sounds like a train whooshing through the streets and tree tops of Glen Oaks at full throttle. It is icy cold, penetrating layers of down and wool, like cold fingers wriggling under warm blankets. I have one outdoor errand to do...a meatball run for ingredients for a game night dish. It feels like snow could be in the very near future so it behooves me to have my supplies on hand before things get messy. I'm getting my little nest warm and cozy for this phase of winter. This is the time for indoor activities.
Today I'm doing some heart art. I'm putting my other projects on hold for a short time while attend to my heart. Hearts find their way into much of my art...hearts and eyes. This time I have a heart-shaped book I'll be altering with paint, paper, clay, metal, wire...you get the idea. My dear Christina from www.skybluepink.com sent some gorgeous pink and fuchsia punchinella. I am in seventh heaven...sparkles and hearts and stencils...oh my!

A few years ago I participated in a LMAO (land mail art object) exchange with a group of fellow artists at nervousness, where many of us had quite a bit of fun for a while. The concept of this exchange was simple...create an artistic representation of your heart. Any medium, any form you like, but it had to be small enough to be easily mailed anywhere in the world. I decided to use a jigsaw puzzle for my heart. I labeled each piece for a part of my life I held in my heart...people, pets, places and ideals all separate, but connected. In fact, if one piece was missing, the heart was not complete. I really liked that heart...I use a picture of it as my avatar on nervousness...but off it went to Norway. The heart I received was from the USA. It blew my mind. I opened the envelope to find a tiny matchbox shrine, covered in red paper. On top was a pearl heart. A red ribbon wrapped around the tiny container. When I slid it open I found eight iridescent beads glued to dark background paper. Then I found the note in the envelope. "These beads represent the people in my life who make up my heart. One is for my daughter, two are for my parents. The others represent the people who gave their lives defending me, including my dearest friend, the love of my life. They died in a fight for my life. I hold them in my heart for eternity, although I fear it will remain broken for eternity, too. If you should decide you don't want this heart at any time, please return it to me. Thank you." I still have that heart and keep it safe.

You never know about hearts. Some seem so full of love and joy, almost overflowing. Others seem small and dark like pieces of obsidian, hard and cold. Then there are the broken hearts...some have tiny cracks, some are fractured and pieced together again and some are torn asunder, leaving an abyss impossible to breach. Most hearts are a combination of the full and the broken. In any case, your heart has a voice. We all hear it on occasion. I think we are wise to listen to our hearts...it's that little voice people talk about when they say they should have listened. I don't have any resolutions, they are a waste of time for me. However, I decided to really listen to my heart...to ease up on the thinking for a while. As someone near and dear to me said..."you're losing your focus, lighten up, stop thinking, just go with the flow." That may be my mantra, along with 'follow your heart'.

I'm setting up my heart art...I even wrote a haiku this morning :)

My Heart Has No Name

My heart has no name

each piece holds the key to love.

Timeless roses bloom...

Got my book, got my glue, got my punchinella and I am ready to rock this heart. Crank up the music, mr. dj...maybe some Canaro tangos...I have my wire cutters...I am armed and not so dangerous. It's time for some heart to heart art <3

anonymous shrine~nervousness~2004?

Let's Talk About Love

2009-12-27T14:50:00.005-05:00

Sagittarius Horoscopes

(Nov 22 - Dec 21)

Next Week

For the Week of Dec 28th, 2009 -- Your sense of adventure is in full gear this weekend. Seeking new experiences can put pressure on an ongoing relationship since you may be easily bored. Connecting with someone far away or from a different culture, though, should be your cup of tea. Hit the road and explore unfamiliar places to expand your horizons and fuel the fires of desire.

Well, it's true. I do like to travel. In fact, I am very antsy these days. That is not unusual for this time of year or for me most of the time. Most likely, I will be staying put for the winter, which is probably a good thing. I've been thinking about love lately. This can be an intellectual appreciation. In this case it goes a little deeper...right to the heart.

I carry a small copy of Kahil Gibran's The Prophet with me...I found it at a book sale at the Woodstock Library a few years ago. It reminds me of my brother, Chris. We both had a fondness for it back in the day. We read passages from it at his funeral...I'm not being morbid...it was an act of love. Whenever my hand brushes it accidentally, I think of Chris and smile. Real love does make you smile. All the angst and torment is a crock. If I want drama I'll see a Broadway show.

I'm no Pollyanna, but a little pain goes a long way in relationships. If it hurts all the time, what is it? I dunno, but it's not love. I am quite mushy by nature. During a movie or a song or a conversation I can become misty-eyed in seconds. Hugs and kisses are second nature to me. I'm all for love. If I have to hit the road for love I'm packed and ready to go, but not down a one way street. I believe you give everything for love...and in return you receive everything. Am I a romantic? Perhaps. Better to embrace love than hide from it...what is a safe distance...and why? Oh, I'm waxing philosophical again...Sagittarians do that. We have big hearts and strong intellects, it's said. We're too straightforward at times...I suppose that is true, but that's just who I am. The wanderlust does take me on occasion, but I love home sweet home...and home is where the heart is.

pic~yours truly & art by shari elf~i love it :)

horoscope~tarot.com

O, Death!

2009-12-21T14:06:00.007-05:00

O, Death! It's like 'oh dear', but a bit more final, but is it really? Lately, death has been active in my circle of friends and acquaintances. It's the holiday season. There is an expectation of cheer and good feelings...sometimes unrealistic...that attaches itself to this time of year. It can be a set up to a let down. My own approach this year is to just go with the flow. This may be due to hangin' with death more than usual. Many people find death scary, even terrifying. They try to bargain or negotiate terms...not usually a successful effort. When death comes it is a ready or not situation for most people. There are those who live close to death for a time and come to realize this is inevitable. Some welcome him. Some resist until the end. They will not go gently. I do not invite death or welcome her at this stage of my life. Feeling very blessed with the people and opportunities I have keeps me wanting more of life.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VoIebIKNS4s

An ending is necessary for another beginning. Chaos and destruction clear the way for order and construction. Death is part of that cycle. Not only our bodies die. Hopes and dreams die. Hatred and bitterness die too. If this didn't happen we could get stuck in a rut, going deeper and deeper on the road to nowhere. The death of a lifestyle can seem devastating at first...it's supposed to be. Later, a new way of life can prove to be the best thing for you. Death has done you a big favor, though, at the time it didn't feel that way.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IAs4L9AKUKk

I've been attracted to dark things as long as I can remember. I love Halloween, Dia de los Muertos, vampires, zombies, werewolves and haunted houses. Death fascinates me because there is a finality and yet an unknown element of a netherworld. Today is Winter Solstice or Yule, the shortest day and longest night. The burning of the yule log symbolizes the first fire of a new beginning. The sun will now grow in strength again. An end and a beginning celebrated for centuries...death of the old, birth of the new.

I'm going with the flow with Death too. After all, do I really have a choice? It's been a year of death for me on different levels. My foundation crumbled and turned to sand in an hour glass. I did the free fall for a while. Then I landed on my feet, a tad wobbly, but still standing. The future, though uncertain, is looking good. Death is death, always there busy taking care of business. That's as it should be. I'll be taking care of business too, enjoying the rocky road. Until we meet at that fork in the road that takes me to the next level, I'll give Death her due and appreciate all I have in this life. I'm quite healthy, not so wealthy and getting wiser by the year.

pic~dia de los muertos~oaxaca 2009

videos~o brother, where art thou? good one!

There's A Turkey In My Freezer

2009-11-29T16:31:00.003-05:00

When I left work Wednesday evening I received a frozen twelve pound turkey, courtesy of one of the doctors in our office. I didn't realize I would be the recipient of said fowl, so I was slightly taken aback for the moment. What was I going to do with this bird? My oven has been out of commission since March and I don't see a new stove in my crystal ball. Yes, I have one. Thanksgiving dinner was being prepared by my brother and sister-in-law. My contribution was the wine. I plopped the gobbler in the backseat. As I drove home it occurred to me many people close to me are out of work or have been this year. I knew who tom turkey was going to feed. My blessings are many and though I constantly whine about my job, I am happy to have it. Never in my memory have so many people I know been unemployed for long periods of time. Everyone has scaled down almost everything they do. This is the holiday season. It is a double edged sword, opening wounds old and new. It is a festive time, whatever holiday you celebrate. This year people are more subdued. There is a serious undercurrent holding us back. The unsettled feeling that we haven't bottom out quite yet. Life does go on and we hang on for the ride. Sometimes, when there are less frills, you begin to see other things in a different light. It becomes clear what really is valuable. Your family, friends and health are the things to treasure. We all have each of those to a greater or lesser degree. This year will be odd for me. More changes. At first, I resisted, but now I realize it really is futile. I'm going with the flow...again. New things are on the horizon. It's looking brighter at the end of that crazy tunnel. So off I go, turkey in tow, heading for more change and actually, nervously, looking forward to it.

pic~natalie & ian thanksgiving 2009...sooo cute!

Lost and Found

2009-11-21T15:03:00.002-05:00

We are all products of our life experiences. Our perception is naturally filtered by memories of things real or imagined that happened as we wander life's pathways. I have noticed people will confide very personal information, at times much more than I care to know. There is a certain intimacy and trust between a health care provider and patient. When I have been a patient I recognize the vulnerability I feel, so I get it.

People have confided mind-boggling information to me over the years. Infidelity, alien abduction and cannibalism are on the list. I call it the confessional effect. They may or may not see me again. If they do, it will probably be quite a while between visits. I am a stranger, but we are in a personal relationship for a very short time. Some see you as a captive audience and will try to cram their life history into the minutes you are together. Others are just compelled to blurt out a story that must go 'round and 'round in their brain. I have even had a couple of patients kiss me smack on my mouth. Yuck! 'I just wanted to thank you'. No, you wanted to be a perv. You never know what's going through a person's mind. The room is quiet while I image their heart. The light is low so I can see the computer screen. Minds wander. Best you don't know that itinerary.

Back in the 80's I worked as a supervisor in a large medical center. Nuclear Medicine and Nuclear Cardiology were separate departments, but our isotopes were stored in a common hot lab. I met Julie when she worked in Nuclear Cardiology. Every morning we would prepare for the day, discussing life and love, the usual small talk. One morning she ran in waving her left hand. A celestial blue sapphire glistened in the fluorescent light. The surrounding diamonds completed the tiny universe on her finger. She danced around the lab in delight. 'I designed it myself...' and proceeded to tell me about the proposal, the wedding plans and how many children they wanted. Cloud nine! We worked together for about a year after that. We soon lost touch. When I started a new job years later one of my first patients was Julie's dad, who had a background in nuclear medicine. I would ask for Julie and we would chat for a while.

When the Twin Towers were destroyed the list of people killed and missing was posted on a daily basis. The acrid smell of dust and death hung in the air for a week. There was that morbid compulsion to check that list every day. We knew of losses in the community. Most households were touched by death and disbelief. Then I saw Julie's name. We had not spoken to one another for many years, but I spoke to her dad not more than a month before that abomination.

The following year her dad came in for testing. We looked at one another. I told him I was sorry. He nodded, then we morphed into the same conversation we had every year about half-lives of isotopes and detection devices. That and the care of roses constitutes our yearly conversation to this day.

Two years after that Julie's dad and mom came in for tests. When her mother came into the room I could see her watching me work out of the corner of her eye. I thought I should say something. I told her I was so sorry. Then I told her I remembered how happy Julie was the day she came in wearing her sapphire engagement ring. Her mom was silent for a moment. Then she said 'They never found that ring. They never found Julie. We had a memorial service for her. Two weeks ago they called to say they found something of Julie's. A bone fragment. I cannot do this. I cannot keep burying my daughter. I told my husband not to tell me anything else. Nothing." I said I was sorry, so sorry. She shook her head. We finished the procedure. I took her hand and helped her sit up. She held my hand. She said 'Please don't take this the wrong way. It's just that I can't stand to look at you.' I knew instantly what she was telling me. I have a daughter, too. When she looked at me, how could she not wonder what Julie would be doing?

I helped her to her feet, feeling a strange bond which is difficult to explain.

They come back to our office to test their hearts each year, though their hearts have been through a test no heart should have. Her dad comes to me for his test, her mom goes to the other room. They came in yesterday. I saw her watching me out of the corner of her eye.

White Noise

2009-11-15T15:22:00.004-05:00

Traffic has been brisk on my little corner of the world. Ambulance sirens mingling with rumbling fire engines and the random roar of the bikers across the way have kept the decibel level high since last night. When the air is just so and the moon is at a certain phase I can hear the Long Island Rail Road's plaintive train whistle. It was one of those nights when all the sound effects mingled into a kind of white noise phenomena. It became quiet, so quiet that it was eerie. I was working on my vampire tale, which I had neglected while soaking in mezcal and cerveza in Oaxaca. Usually, I get right in the groove. It's like a movie is running in my head. I can hear the dialogue and visualize the quick, the dead and the undead plotting and scheming as they enact my story. Not happening last night, not at all.

It was a windy night for a walk, but it felt cool and invigorating. Wet leaves were a slippery carpet. The smell of autumn in New York became those damp leaves and the scent of pepperoni pizza hot out of the oven at Marcella's. Strolling down Union Turnpike, heading for home, I realized the vampires would not be joining me on my return. I'm still distracted, in a good way, by creating assemblage pieces inspired by poetry or excerpts from books. It was back to the drawing board.

I'm working on a piece based on the poem 'Kingman Run' by Scott Wannberg. 'Tonight, Maybe...' also written by Scott, was my inspiration for my Oaxaca workshop piece, which I love. 'Kingman Run' is about love and loss. It's one of the most beautiful poems I know. The sketches are done. The parts are being collected and connected. It's small, like a precious jewel. I hope I can make it shine.

Meandering Home From Oaxaca

2009-11-08T13:21:00.004-05:00

Sagittarius Horoscopes
(Nov 22 - Dec 21)
Next Week
For the Week of Nov 9th, 2009 -- You are uncharacteristically shy this weekend or, at least, less open with people you don't know very well. Seeking the safety of close friends allows you to socialize without the pressure to impress anyone. Escaping to a quiet place with a sensitive individual allows you to show your vulnerability, which will only make you even more desirable.

A quiet place sounds lovely! Vacations are great. All that eating, drinking and making merry is good for the soul. Oaxaca is a magical place, especially during Dia de los Muertos. Spirituality combined with fiesta equals the best of both worlds. Homecoming is welcome though. It was good to have a bit of time to wind down and get back in the groove, hopefully, not the rut.

Things seem calm here at the moment, but I sense it's that before the storm deal. I'll enjoy it while it lasts. The holidays, or horrordays as a friend of mine describes them, are looming on the horizon. The Floridians will be here for Thanksgiving. It will be wonderful to see them again!

This will be the first Christmas I spend away from my daughter since she was born. It will seem odd, but life can get much stranger than that. This has been a year of letting go. Some say that makes room for more in your life. I'll get back to you on that one.

Mitla Cemetery~Dia de los Muertos~Oaxaca 2009

The Black Madonna and The White Car

2009-09-20T13:06:00.010-04:00

Sagittarius Horoscopes
(Nov 22 - Dec 21)
Next Week
For the Week of Sep 21st, 2009 -- You may be held accountable for every word you say this weekend, which can put a crimp into your social game. Yet being more circumspect demonstrates your maturity and commitment to maintaining harmony. Since one careless comment can put a chill in the air, think twice before openly expressing what's on your mind.

Hmm, this may make our Pictionary Tournament a bit more challenging next weekend. Yes, it's game night and the sky's the limit. Due to a previous dance injury, Twister is out for active participation, but I will be happy to referee. Oh, but wait. I may put a chill in the air by expressing my opinion. Maybe I'll just hone my Pictionary skills by doodling on napkins while my compadres twist the night away. That will demonstrate some level of maturity I should think. This may put a crimp in my social game.

Sometimes I take myself too seriously. It happened again yesterday. We were going to visit the shrine of the Black Madonna of Poland, Our Lady of Czestochowa, in scenic Doylestown, Pennsylvania. It's about a two and a half hour drive from Queens. Helen was doing the driving, for as my friends and family know, driving is not my thing. Yes, I have a car. It's a 1988 Dodge Shadow with under 35,000 miles on it. 'Nuff said. Usually I'm ok rolling along the highway, but yesterday I had this feeling before we left that there would be an accident with a serious injury.

Not us, but somehow we might need to pull over and assist in some way. The thought passed through my mind and left. We had a quiet uneventful drive, in fact we made good time. The weather was custom made for strolling. The sun was warm, the air was cool with a sky that was pristine blue. The tiny red chapel looked like something from a fairy tale with a small ebony spire reaching for that cloudless sky. As we opened the door, darkness enveloped us until our eyes adjusted to the prismed light from the stained glass windows. Our Lady gazed at us from her portrait, surrounded by sweet roses, pink orchids and rainbow shades of chrysanthemums. No one else was visiting at that moment. There is a certain energy at sacred sites that attracts the human soul. The religion or denomination is irrelevant. This is an ancient universal source that channels itself through different venues be that magnetic fields, sacred wells and waters, stone formations or even timeless groves of trees. That's the energy we could feel in the womb like semidarkness of that chapel. It was nurturing and invigorating simultaneously. It is a blessing in the true sense of the word. As we left the soft light and opened the door to the radiant sunshine we gazed upon acres of tombstones, mementos of lives lived. It certainly put things in perspective.

On our way home we experienced the joy of maneuvering through the Lincoln Tunnel and downtown Manhattan by car on a Saturday night. Did I mention the San Genaro festival? Oh, for a cannoli. That took just about as long as the drive from Pennsylvania. While crawling through the tunnel I had that image of an accident float into my brain. In fact, it dallied there while we were having lunch, but I just ignored it. I never mentioned it. From past experience I have found if these events do transpire people tend to hold the seer accountable in some way. If it's just an anxiety thing, whatever. Now, Helen is not one who would hold me accountable. On the contrary, she might be slightly alarmed. My point is, what's the difference if I show or tell? Fuggetaboutit...

At last we were on the final leg of the return, even exceeding 30MPH on the parkway when, you guessed it, traffic slowed and we were merging left.

I heard Helen say 'This must have just happened, there's glass all over the road."

As we inched by I looked to my right. A young guy in a baseball cap was frantically running from the scene, his expression anguished. He ran toward a group of people who had stopped to help.

On the side of the road a white car was completely overturned, four whees in the air, it's top accordioned into the elevated chassis. I saw no one lying next to the vehicle. The ambulances had not arrived. We inched along a few more feet and traffic started to move. We picked up speed. I was home in no time at all. Helen drove into the night with one last wave.

When I got into my apartment I couldn't shake a sadness. Accidents happen all the time. I live at a very accident-prone intersection. Squealing breaks, screeching tires and the stomach wrenching crunching impacts are no strangers to me. I've called many a 911. For some reason that poor kid running for help and the soul or souls in that white car got to me. My brain understands this might have nothing to do with those annoying flashes of images but my heart mourns for all at that tragic site.

Yes, I had a glass of wine or two while I pondered my reaction. It was then I concluded I was taking myself too seriously. In the light of a new day I still concur. It feels good to agree with myself. I've had these dreams and impressions as long as I can remember. Some other members of my family do too. I'll bet you have similar experiences once in a blue moon. I think it's natural. I doubt I'll ever know what to do about it. I leave that to the Black Madonna, Isis, Kali and the pantheon of deities who make up our universe. It's in good hands

Pluto Direct

2009-09-12T09:13:00.005-04:00

He's baaack! Pluto has been retrograde for the past five months. Today he's on the direct path.

This brings secrets to the light. Hidden motives or misdeeds will float to the surface of your cosmic pond. That little light that shines will expose those naughty things swept under the rug.

The candle in the window will illuminate that dark corner where unfinished business is piling up to the ceiling.

All this psychic detritus has been accumulating, just waiting for Pluto's return. This is a great time for new starts, getting the project off the ground or cleaning house, be that physical or emotional. This is the time to look in the mirror and get honest with yourself. Despite old Mercury's backward motion, Pluto will help you see that light at the end of the tunnel. After all, he lives in that tunnel and knows all the in's and out's. Now's the time he's feeling generous. He will share some of his knowledge and let you in on solutions for illusions.

All you need do is open your eyes and see. Pull the veil of excuses from your weary head. It's way to heavy to wear these days. Feeling overwhelmed? That's all right. Now take a deep breath and let it out. Ok, one more breath. Now, things don't look that bad, right. Pluto, smirking from the underworld, is on your side today. Dig in and start sorting or writing or whatever it is you've been 'waiting for later' to do. You will find, despite Mercury's best efforts, you will move forward. It's true, we may have to go to some dark dark places. Only a glimmer of flickering light guides us at first.

Then, as we plod along the path the light becomes brighter, more steady. There are less brambles and gnarly roots to trip us and make us stumble. Or are they just easier to avoid because our eyes are truly open this time around? It's still difficult to see the end of the path. There are quite a few twists and turns yet to come. Hey, that's what makes this journey interesting. Pluto may actually be smiling at this point. You've come a long way, baby! You know how it is on the road less traveled.

You may be a bit muddied. Perhaps a bruise and a few scratches here and there. It comes with the territory of exploring your options. There is a time for rest and a time to persevere and continue even when you ache. You will accomplish amazing things this time. I hear Pluto is feeling very generous to those who compete in his version of a reality show. You will find rewards beyond measure. They come from your heart and soul.

Stay tuned for the next episode of The Dark Tunnel produced by the Lord of the Underworld. It's sure to be spellbinding.

Mercury Retrograde

2009-09-06T12:59:00.005-04:00

Stopped by the Silver Moon diner last night. Sat in my favorite booth so I could watch the Q46 disgorge her passengers and continue the roll down Union Turnpike to Kew Gardens. That's the beginning of the line. The Silver Moon is the end of the line. This is true in more than one way. When we were kids the urban legend of the neighborhood was that all the escapees from Creedmore, the state mental hospital in the area, would board the Q46 after climbing down the bedsheets and ride it to the last stop. If they headed west it was Kew Gardens and the NYC subway station, their subterranean escape route. If they mistakenly headed east they would ride to the last stop, the Silver Moon diner. We did have a few Creedmorians back in the day. One gentleman removed all his clothes because he was certain he could fly without their encumbrance. What he did accomplish was having Mrs. Licausi seventy-five year old mother take flight after encountering his naked self in her backyard while she was hanging laundry. She attended mass on a daily basis after that incident, convinced the devil incarnate had tried to drag her to the bowels of hell. Nature boy was so shocked by her screams he willingly returned to Creedmore telling the police she was a very scary woman. It's all relative.

I'm sure this took place while Mercury was traveling retrograde. Many misunderstandings occur during this astrological time frame. Usually Mercury is retrograde three times a year. This year it happens four times. I'm not surprised. It's been quite the upside down year.

I just bumped into one of the neighborhood bikers. Well, not literally. He's back in town early proclaiming summer to be done. The boys are thinking of wintering in Florida after the hurricane season. Maybe they're getting older. I didn't bring that subject up during the conversation. In fact, I try not to bring that subject up at any time these days. With Mercury retrograde no good would come of it.

Even my horoscope for next week contains a warning I intend to heed.

Sagittarius Horoscopes
(Nov 22 - Dec 21)
Next Week
For the Week of Sep 7th, 2009 -- You love adventure and freedom, and you may get a bit of both on Friday. But then it's time to pack up the toys, put away your big dreams and settle down into a cozier and quieter scene for the rest of the weekend. Be careful about what you say to a sensitive person since a careless word or two can trigger a relationship explosion.

Fair warning about careless words. Mercury goes retrograde again tomorrow. That can lead to communication snafus. I don't even need Mercury's assistance to do that, although this can put salt in any wound I inadvertently inflict. My awareness is raised, my radar activated. Woe to the unsuspecting sensitive people I know.

Saturday I will be with family and friends celebrating my sister(in-law's) birthday. I will be very discreet. Really ;) It will be good to see everyone again. Here's hoping we all feel that way after the festivities. Oh Mercury, you old trickster!

Not A Ghost Of A Chance

2009-08-30T13:52:00.006-04:00

Sagittarius Horoscopes
(Nov 22 - Dec 21)
Next Week
For the Week of Aug 31st, 2009 -- You always strive to do your best to be sensitive when it comes to matters of the heart. But there are times like this weekend when it's hard not to trigger strong reactions in others. While it's wise to speak softly and act with self-restraint, it may be impossible to maintain the peace. Be nice and move on. It's not your fault if others can't take the heat.

So there! It's not my fault. Well, we all know where the blame game goes...nowhere good. Usually all parties have done their fair share of good and not so good. Besides, I need my energy for haunted houses. Today I did some exploring and some constructing. It's been a good day!

I'm working on a haunted house project. Altering things to make them spooky is right up my alley. I couldn't resist. As inspiration I took a walk to an old farmhouse that has a ghost or two in residence. I've been visiting that house for over twenty years and things are usually calm and quiet. One rainy day my daughter and I wandered to the farm for a classic car show. The raindrops and shiny cars were wonderful photo ops and I got some great pictures with my trusty Nikon SLR. Then we went into the farmhouse for a tour...and to get out of the rain. We may have been the only ones walking through at the time. When I went to take some pictures my camera's flash kept failing.

I adjusted the settings a bit and took a few more pictures. The lighting was low. It was getting late. We headed home. Next day I had the film developed. The cars and reflections were awesome. I was quite pleased. Then I came to the indoor shots. They were very subdued, having an almost old fashioned look. In each picture strange lights emanated from no visible source. I recognized that phenomena. There was some other energy in the farmhouse. This was particularly visible in the kitchen and the living room. Those are the two rooms my daughter and her friend told me they saw old fashioned ladies from time to time. Volunteers do don period dress on occasion, but these were not those occasions. Children are innocent. They see something, they tell you what they see.

I have always felt peaceful and at home at the farm and in the farmhouse. So have my daughter and her friends, who are all quite grown up now. It's no coincidence that my daughter brought her new daughter to the farm on Pow Wow night. Any spirits who may be at the farm seem most beneficent. They seem to be at peace. So on this late summer night as the crickets sing their song, I end my ghost story. Not scared? Well, that's the last thing our ladies would want!

Jingle dancers~no, they're not ghosts :)

Summer In The City

2009-08-23T15:21:00.004-04:00

The Moon in your sign on Friday should lift your spirits. Yet stern Saturn's lurking nearby to hold you accountable for your actions. A serious re-evaluation of your assets can make the rest of the weekend worthwhile even if it's not a lot of fun. Do the hard work of dealing with tough issues now and better times are sure to follow.

That's good advice. Better times always follow, usually not soon enough for us. We can wax philosophical but let's face it, we want better times all the time. It's quite natural to desire this. As we all know, life is way too crazy for that.

There was a lot of rough water in the great ocean of life this past week. Here in New York we've been having a heat wave, thunderstorms and all. Then there's Hurricane Bill churning up eighteen foot waves. That's great for surfers, but it creates deadly riptides. Those riptides have been devastating for many people trying to navigate life's summer seas. Downright treacherous to some. Others are knocked into uncharted waters, barely able to recognize a familiar landmark, they flounder. This unfamiliar territory may be a blessing. It may be a place to shake off the toxic residue clinging to their spirit. Perhaps the people in this new place are nurturing and uplifting. Living with endless negativity destroys the soul. Constant threats and innuendos erode confidence and good humor. This new place, though uncharted, may be a safe port. It may be a place to heal that wounded spirit and to grow in a more joyful natural direction.

I have been whining about the heat and humidity, I confess. There is respite in any air conditioned room or building. It's quite a simple and direct solution to an unavoidable situation.

Sometimes things come out of the blue and we cannot see a simple solution. That's the time to stop. Do nothing. Wait. Listen to the universe. The answer is there. It's not easy to quiet your mind when you are reeling, but when you can a whole new world is at your disposal. Nature has a way of balancing itself. That goes for human nature, too. Karma is cool, very cool. I'm all for spending very little energy on those who have wronged me and mine. I like to channel some good energy in a positive direction and then let it rip! Now, it's out of my hands and into the universe. I can go about my business getting back on my feet again and taking some baby steps. After all, if I find myself in new territory it's time for some exploring. The natives seem friendly and most helpful. New York is an amazing place, steamy or not.

Then there is the healing change of scene therapy. I do believe we're heading south of the border soon. Oaxaca, isn't it? Dia de los Muertos is all about transformation and spiritual healing. Perfect timing.

Angel in Oaxaca

Fussin' About Elvis

2009-08-16T13:22:00.006-04:00

Sagittarius Horoscopes
(Nov 22 - Dec 21)
Next Week
For the Week of Aug 17th, 2009 -- Friday's fussy, but Saturday and Sunday can be your friends this weekend. Listen to the advice of a person you trust who is able to get you back in balance if you've lost your cool, fallen into despair or given up on a relationship. Healing may not happen over night, but having a more objective perspective will get you on the right track.

Heard on the news Elvis died thirty-two years ago today. The good news is the radio station I listen to is playing so much of his music. No, I'm not going there. The past usually repeats itself. Enough said. It was such a pleasure to listen to him. I've been a fan of his almost since I can remember. Part of the magic of music is it's ability to transport us back to a memory, kind of an aural time travel device. Right up my alley.

I've been writing about time lately. At some stages of life you have a sense of timelessness. As your personal time goes on you hear the clock ticking louder for one reason or another. This is a good thing. It reminds us to live. It's not necessary to do wild and crazy things. If you've been meaning to I would suggest getting a move on your next adventure. If you've been there, done that there is still the miracle of everyday living we all take for granted. What a foolish thing to do. What is more precious than everyday? Those are the things you will remember in more detail than some of the big occasions you think you will be celebrating. The mind is funny that way.

You may remember sitting having a cup of tea with someone dear. Maybe a spontaneous drive to the beach on a steamy summer morning. Everyone piling into a VW bus after making baloney sandwiches and Kool-Aid for the trip, laughing and horsing around all the way. How about watching a babe take his first steps? That expression of apprehension, then glee is amazing.

Catching fireflies on a summer evening and realizing how fragile and beautiful they are is a gift.

Snow forts and snowball fights were best at night. Chasing mosquitoes in the middle of the night (sorry Jane! I know I'm compulsive) until they were squashed was an obsession. Still is.

I haven't fallen into despair. Far from it, I feel invigorated and full of enthusiasm. Some great things are in the works. I'm also very blessed to have people I trust help me get back on my feet when I am off balance. It's good to hear the King and enjoy a few moments of nostalgia. Soon I'll be back to writing about vampires, parallel time and supernatural stuff. Maybe I can work Elvis into the storyline. If not I know his music will continue to inspire my memories and my imagination. Thank you. Thank you very much!

Hold On...I'm Buzzing

2009-08-09T13:00:00.006-04:00

Sagittarius Horoscopes
(Nov 22 - Dec 21)
For the Week of Aug 10th, 2009 -- The Moon in your 7th House of Partnerships should provide all the stimulation you can handle this weekend. The challenge is to find some emotional ground upon which you can stand in the midst of whirling winds of change. Attractions flicker like candles that will be extinguished if either of you holds on too tightly.

General Weekly Love Horoscope Influences
Passion gets pumped up on Thursday after a cold beginning to the week. Maybe it's the frustration started earlier that encourages an adventurous spirit this weekend. Still, don't allow moments of magic to cut off your connection with common sense. Over-estimating someone is a fast track to disappointment, so maintain a bit of emotional balance.

Finding balance is a common theme today. Many of us have busy lives that we coordinate with family and friends' busy lives. We buzz around our hive-homes working to create a harmonious life. Our fellow hive members do the same in their own way. Sometimes there is so much buzzing and hovering we forget to take a break and appreciate one another.

I am blessed to have family and friends close by and to the north, south and west. Although I may not see all of them as frequently as I would like I hold them dear to my heart. I've been tidying up which is a major project for I am not tidy in any sense of the word. In my quest for some semblance of organization I periodically come across an old photo, birthday or holiday card or similar now faded relic. This results in a pause in tidying and a smile or tear. Then on to the next target of tidy with similar results. I just feel like giving everyone a big group hug! Some are starting new families, others are empty nesters and some are close to the end of their life's journey. Still, they are all vital members of the hive. Young and old, they are all sweet as honey to me.

Killer Beez ~ Villainess Soaps

Elliot & Kumar on a sleepover

A Mystique of Violence

2009-08-02T15:14:00.010-04:00

"There is a hardly a nation on earth today that is not to some extent committed to a philosophy or to a mystique of violence. One way or other, whether on the left or on the right, whether in defense of a bloated establishment or of an impoverished guerrilla government in the jungle, whether in terms of a police state or in terms of a ghetto revolution, the human race is polarizing itself into camps armed with everything from Molotov cocktails to the most sophisticated technological instruments of death. At such a time, the doctrine that "war is the will of God" can be disastrous if it is not handled with extreme care. For everyone seems in practice to be thinking along some such lines with the exception of a few sensitive and well-meaning souls."—Thomas Merton (The Asian Journals, 1968)

In the U.S.A., at this time when at least an incremental step is being considered by Congress toward legally guaranteeing that all citizens have some form of health-care coverage, the pharmaceutical companies and insurance companies are spending record sums to advertise the benefits of the status-quo. This would be the same status-quo that has enriched insurance companies for many years while leaving millions of citizens young and old uninsured or cheated out out of the often unreliable and over-priced coverage that they might barely afford. The same status-quo that has allowed pharmaceutical companies, with the collusion of our government representatives (most of whom are heavily-lobbied and campaign-funded by these very companies), to make huge, unjustified profits. What does this massive surge in public relations spending by the insurance and pharmaceutical companies, to the tune of millions of dollars a day on all media advertising, tell you? Does it perhaps beg the question of why so many members of Congress are dragging their feet, trying to dilute and delay legislation until it amounts to a practically meaningless change in the national health care system? Does it explain the resistance from mainstream television and radio spokespeople to real change in the system, or the voice given to disreputable hack doctors and scientists that have suddenly been enlisted to resist this change? Does it throw some light on the motivations of extreme right-wing corporate shills like Limbaugh, Hannity, O'Reilly, Beck, Medved (and too many of their clones to mention) in their efforts to vilify President Obama or anyone wanting to at least try to set up a slightly more equitable and efficient health care system in this country so that we might take another step toward becoming a civilised nation? V.M.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Is it part of this mystique of violence to deny health care to those least able to afford it? That will soon become most of us unless we take a big step in the right direction of health care reform now. I have worked as a health care professional for my entire working life. I have been a recipient of health care as a patient. The consensus of opinion among my coworkers and fellow patients is the same. We need health care reform now. VT

Editorial~Viggo Mortensen at Perceval Press

picture~warning on my gamma camera

Leaving a Trail of Bread Crumbs

2009-08-02T15:12:00.005-04:00

For the Week of Aug 3rd, 2009 -- Romantic fantasies are fun, yet there's a chance that you could start to believe in them this weekend. The Moon in sensitive Pisces opens up your feelings but may shut down your brain. If you're going to follow your heart, protect yourself by leaving a trail of bread crumbs so you can find your way back home to reality.

If I'm relying on a trail of bread crumbs for protection my brain may have shut down already. It certainly didn't do Hansel and Gretel much good. Though, come to think of it, they did have a happy ending. Not so much for the witch, but karma and all...

Fantasies have their place in life. If you can't imagine something how can you manifest it? Living in a fantasy is a way of life for some. They become quite indignant if reality injects itself into their world.

Real life is fine for me. If I want fantasy I write my vampire tales, read a good book or watch a movie. I do have an active imagination. It comes in handy after working a day in the real world. Creating art or writing is a great outlet. Some say my outlook is a bit dark, but there is much humor in the dark areas of imagination too.

I've been fascinated by the supernatural since childhood. Being raised Roman Catholic instilled a belief in the supernatural, as all religions do, I guess. We have saints in heaven, sinners in hell, Satan lusting for our souls, angels watching over us, demons trying to possess us and many crosses, scapulars and rosaries for our protection against harm. How about the prayer we said right before going to bed? "Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take. God bless....every possible relative and friend is included." Sweet, isn't it? There is a natural progression to curiosity about other supernatural phenomena.

I do enjoy creating my alternate worlds where time lines may run parallel with other worldly beings being the norm. Who doesn't have a soft spot for a zombie...at a distance?

My grandmother had a collection of books which contained myths and fairy tales. I devoured them when I stayed at her house. The first book I proudly got from the library at age six was Norse Mythology. Thanks Nana! I was blessed to be surrounded by book lovers and storytellers. It was and is a natural way of life for me and mine. My daughter is a voracious reader who still tells people I read The Hobbit to her at bedtime when she was knee high to a grasshopper. Children love ritual. It is a comfort for them to have the familiar routine ease them into sleep. We would read a story, make up a story, usually about adventures with her friends and sing songs. One summer night I was joined in a refrain of The Muffin Man by three adolescent boys outside in our community yard. They ran away laughing when I peeked out the window, but I think it brought back memories of their not so distant babyhood. We all remember being tucked into our bed. She looks forward to doing the same for her daughter.

So, I'll settle down for the evening. Writing a scene about a steampunkian vampire timekeeper explaining time travel to a shape shifter should be fun and fulfilling. Of course, I will be wearing my St. Theresa scapular which say "Whoever dies wearing this scapular shall not suffer the eternal fire~Our Lady's scapular promise." It's all about that ounce of prevention.

Cross~Oaxaca 2008~Josefina Aguilar~now in my home sweet home :)

Dancing Under the Crescent Moon

2009-07-26T21:45:00.004-04:00

General Weekly Love Horoscope Influences
Feelings grow tender this weekend as loving Venus enters emotional Cancer on Friday. It's hard not to take things personally and, perhaps, be a bit less trusting than usual. It's tempting to dig into old wounds, but that's only helpful if you are committed to healing and finally letting go of the past.

Eeeeewww! Not digging into anything, thank you!

Is less trusting possible? I guess. So I have issues. Who doesn't? Please, don't take it personally. I'm still feeling so peaceful since attending the Pow Wow. It's always such a positive experience. Christine has been to the Pow Wow since she was a baby. It was so beautiful to see her there with her own little girl. So many familiar faces danced by in the circle around the bonfire. I felt all warm and fuzzy.

Dancing Under the Crescent Moon

Soft clouds envelop the moon, releasing

the pale crescent as the wind gives chase,

dappling moonlight on the sacred circle.

We come to dance around the fire once

again, meeting old friends and new

souls, joined in a joyful celebration of life.

Renewed hopes and cherished dreams still

bind us as one under the summer constellations.

The hunter and the archer make way for

the ladies of summer as they rock in the darkness.

Drums and singing fill the night air as

we weave around the golden fire, snaking

our way to eternity and yet another summer.

The spirits smile and join the dance.

Spontaneous free form :)

Jingle dancer

Time Travel & Tea

2009-07-19T13:00:00.008-04:00

Sagittarius Horoscopes
(Nov 22 - Dec 21)
Next Week
For the Week of Jul 20th, 2009 -- You love your freedom more than most, but could find yourself trying to manage everyone else this weekend instead of having a good time. Yes, you're a great friend or partner for maintaining sanity and protecting those you love. But if you're looking to play without worries, it's wise to avoid crowds or groups and seek out a quiet place with one easygoing individual.

Hmm. The Pow Wow next weekend should be interesting if that's the case. Who knows what the dynamic will be? Still, this is advice I will seriously consider. I will behave :) It's so worth it!

General Weekly Love Horoscope Influences
The week gets off to a somber and slippery start, which is not the ideal foundation for relationship bliss. The weekend, unfortunately, is hardly much better. While new adventures are possible, try to stay calm when circumstances change unexpectedly. Normalcy will return...eventually.

Hah! Normalcy. What's that anyway? I work with radioactive material, stress hearts both at work and home, and write about vampires. That is my normal. I'm quite comfortable with it.

Each of us has their own definition of normalcy, I'm sure. The important thing is that it's the right fit for you. If others choose to judge you that is their prerogative, as the song goes. It's such a waste of time and energy, though. Each day is so precious. The way you spend your time is sometimes defined by the reality of earning a living, caring for others or circumstances 'out of your control.' That control thing can be a sticky wicket. I've found control to be an illusion for the most part. We have far more control over our lives than most of us choose to admit. If we did admit that fact we would then need to take responsibility for controlling our life, our destiny.

In my second book I deal with this in a roundabout way. The characters, mortal and not mortal, have an opportunity to go back in time and possibly change the outcome of a pivotal event in their life. Would you or wouldn't you change something in your past? I drag string theory and brane theory into play, so I give my characters some leeway. Would you choose to keep your life on track or would you choose another path at an earlier crossroad? I think about these things from time to time.

At this point in my life, knowing what I know and having done what I've done, I would not change a thing in my past. The good, the bad and the ugly have combined to make my life what it is now. I'm liking where I am. Right now I'm feeling restless, kind of unsettled. Part of my journey is complete. A new road is most appealing. This is not to say what I have isn't enough. I am blessed beyond measure with my family and friends. You just never stop growing in different ways. The spirit reaches out for the source of it's energy. It is a wonderful feeling to know there is not enough time for everything you could do in one lifetime. That gives impetus to learn and experience as much as possible while you're able. My characters get to time travel or live for hundreds or thousands of years. I get a kick out of that. Sometimes, it's not all it's cracked up to be. Me, I'll keep on keepin' on as long as I can. I heard a famous romance novelist used to lie on her chaise and dictate her very successful novels while sipping tea and eating bon bons. Nah! Not really my style, but when the time comes to retire my walking boots I may consider it. Maybe sipping Long Island Iced Tea though.

brane=membrane
Astrology~tarot.com

picture~work, yes...

Another Reason Why I Don't Keep A Gun In The House

2009-07-15T21:05:00.005-04:00

Another Reason Why I Don't Keep A Gun In The House

The neighbor's dog will not stop barking

He is barking the same high, rhythmic bark

that he barks every time they leave the house.

They must switch him on on their way out.

The neighbor's dog will not stop barking.

I close all the windows in the house

and put on a Beethoven symphony full blast

but I can still hear him muffled under the music,

barking, barking, barking.

and now I can see him sitting in the orchestra,

his head raised confidently as if Beethoven

had included a part for a barking dog.

When the record finally ends he is still barking,

sitting there in the oboe section barking,

his eyes fixed on the conductor who is

entreating him with his baton

while the other musicians listen in respectful

silence to the famous barking dog solo,

that endless coda that first established

Beethoven as an innovative genius.

~Billy Collins

with permission from Perceval Press :)

photo~on the job...peaceful, isn't it?

Addicted to Looking for Love

2009-06-28T13:00:00.006-04:00

As the entire planet is aware, Michael Jackson died suddenly this week. People in almost every country reacted emotionally with tears or by celebrating his life with song and dance. It seems his family and closest friends and confidants were saddened but not shocked by his passing. Tragically, it seems that Michael continued to search for love that eluded him despite the adulation bestowed upon him by millions of fans. He surrounded himself with people who told him what he wanted to hear. His dearest friends, who would tell him the truth, were shut out for the most part.

Most of us only hear what we choose to and believe what we want to believe. We all create our own reality. When that reality becomes toxic or pathological there may be a little voice inside us that whispers, then screams "Enough!!" The choice to heed or ignore that voice belongs to the individual.

Maybe you have been in a situation where it benefits others to keep you in a precarious state. Perhaps you have been the one who keeps another in an emotionally debilitated state to fill your own need. This is the world of the enabler. It is a shameful despicable place to reside.

I do not know the cause of Michael Jackson's death at this point in time. Sources say he had been receiving Demerol injections for pain on a daily basis. If that is true, it is probably criminal. It is a moot point, though. I'm sure that is the least of it. The sycophants and enablers that surrounded Michael reinforced his insistence on medicating himself. It gave them access to him, while his genuine friends could only hope and pray from a distance. This is an all too familiar celebrity scenario. Perhaps prosecuting those individuals to the full extent of the law will send a message to others doing the same. Sadly, I doubt it. Fame and fortune attract the jackals.

We all channel divinity. We are from the same universal energy. Some have an incredible link to that energy, that divinity. We call them geniuses. Whether exploring the stars or becoming a rock star they take us beyond the mundane limits. We are transported to another dimension by sharing the magical energy. Michael Jackson was a genius, no doubt, and will continue to take us higher with his music and incredible videos.

I listened to interviews with Quincy Jones, Berry Gordy and Deepak Chopra, all of whom knew Michael Jackson for many years. They were devastated by his death. Even his family lawyer was so furious he vowed to expose 'the truth'. I wonder what good this will do.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=roRcIoO1iQY

Last year I had a discussion with a dear man who lost a loved one to suicide as have I. I said how sad it was. He agreed and then he said "You do know some people don't want to be saved. He was determined to end his life on this earth and he finally did. I hope he has the peace he never had here. I don't feel guilt or sadness or even anger at him. He did what he had to do."

You may argue that Michael Jackson did not commit suicide. True, he did not take his own life, but each day he played Russian Roulette with it. I don't know, it is tragic.

I do agree with those who say he will live in his music. That is an amazing inheritance he left the world and we are in a much better place for it. He was a boy-man as Paul McCartney said. We could never love him enough. He never could love himself. I hope he watches from out there and sees and feels the love the world has for him. Prayers for his family and friends who loved him beyond words.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yrXi70KmXgQ

Deepak Chopra on Michael Jackson

The Love You Save~haunting lyrics today

Dia de los Muertos, Oaxaca, Mexico 2008

Restraint Is A Good Thing?

2009-06-21T14:19:00.008-04:00

Sagittarius Horoscopes
(Nov 22 - Dec 21)
Next Week
For the Week of Jun 22nd, 2009 -- Your easygoing attitude might not go over so well on Friday night. There's some picky people around you who may not appreciate your outrageous sense of humor. Have fun, of course, but a little self-restraint will probably cast you in a better light. Look for a friend to help you make a new connection or provide a dose of common sense to cool you off.*

Yes, those picky people do have attitude. Well, that's all right. After all, I do find many things amusing, even picky people. Perhaps I should hang with the Capricorns I know. They usually display a good deal of common sense. The trouble is I'm not feeling very restrained. In fact I could say I'm downright rambunctious at the moment.

I have a lot on my plate right now. It's mostly good stuff so I'm very psyched and feeling good. As per usual my problem is focus, but I'm getting better at setting priorities. My book is almost complete. I do love my vampires so it's difficult to end their story. The solution is a second and third book. Yay! There are other things I'd like to write about like Ice Maidens and androids (not the same story :) but for now I'll stay with the undead.

Dia de los Muertos in Oaxaca should be wonderful. Mr. deMeng is teaching some doll making in the deMengian tradition. I'm thinking creepy funky and very cool. Bee Woman makes jewelry and I do multi-media stuff so doll making is a new venue. It's great to work out of your comfort zone, though I must say things are very comfortable in Oaxaca. I dream of having a studio there where I could work outside in a garden setting. You never know...

Right now I'm working on some paper dolls for an AlphaStamps exchange. Next, some Ancestor ATCs for a Red Lead exchange. Then, oh happy day, charms for a Floral/Leaf exchange at AlphaStamps. I love making charms and Leslie over at http://www.alphastamps.com/ has amazing metal, shell and sparkly things for them as well as a treasure chest of other goodies.

I've made a few sketches for a Tarot deck, but that's on the back burner until the book is published and I'm holding a copy in my hand. It will be my reward for turning the vampires loose on society. Please, not all of them are pure evil...just a few. Maybe a whole bunch, but is that so different from our 'real' world? Not so much.

Yes, I do write too. It's good to keep those creative juices flowing. Just to keep myself in check and maintain an easy going but inoffensive attitude I resorted to shoe therapy today. Found a very shiny red slingback and a bronze metallic closed toe sandal. This may mean nothing to you, but to a Sister of Imelda it is a very good thing. Now I will give away two pair to charity. Otherwise I would probably need a shoe room which would be deliciously decadent, but not in keeping with my new 'keep it simple' lifestyle. At the moment it is still a work in progress. I'll let you know how that goes.

Hope you all are enjoying the Summer Solstice. Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there!

*Thanks http://www.tarot.com/
Chipboard doll of Leslie from AlphaStamps

In The Moment

2009-06-14T13:35:00.007-04:00

Sagittarius Horoscopes
(Nov 22 - Dec 21)
Next Week
For the Week of Jun 15th, 2009 -- Being of service to others might not sound like your idea of having a good time this weekend but it still can work to your advantage. If you have a job to do, it might be more fun than you might expect. And, if you're just helping out someone, there's a chance that what starts out as a chore could turn into your kind of party.

Just finished reading Excuses Begone! by Dr. Wayne Dyer. I love reading, listening to and/or watching Dr. Dyer because he's always delivers such a positive message. No coincidence he suggests being of service to others is the key to happiness and wholeness. Obviously, it's in the stars for me. It's no secret though. All the things people do for me, whether large or small acts, make me feel better in some way. The reverse is true. Something as simple as a smile can change a moment from tense to calm and cool.

Just the same, I am feeling a bit tense today. Maybe I need a smile...maybe a scotch. Though I get the concept of living in the now my old worry habit is hard to break. When it comes to family and friends it's difficult to accept the now thing. I am working on this.

I finished these mini assemblage refrigerator magnets for a swap over at AlphaStamps. For some reason I chose black and white birds as a theme. I like the way they turned out. Yes, I'm addicted to glitter of all textures and colors. German scrap too...metallic, rainbow colors and all those cute birds and flowers...oops! I digress. Problem is the magnets are hard to photograph so I used another bird photo for this post. It kind of sums up how I'm feeling at the moment. Not to worry though. According to Dr. Wayne I'll be my carefree jovial self any minute.

Pic~thanks Patti at tuscanrose.com

Some People

2009-06-10T07:42:00.002-04:00

Some People

some people never go crazy.

me, sometimes I'll lie down behind the couch

for 3 or 4 days.

they'll find me there.

it's Cherub, they'll say, and

they pour wine down my throat

rub my chest

sprinkle me with oils.

~Charles Bukowski

Thanks Perceval Press, yeah...

Full Moon & Roses

2009-06-07T18:28:00.009-04:00

Spent time collecting rose petals in the garden today. I'll be trying my hand at making beads from the petals. Seems pretty straightforward...pick petals, dice 'em up, heat with some water, heat again next day, heat again next day and voila! Rose paste for forming beads. Let you know how that works :) It was a lovely day to be outdoors. Sunny, warm and breezy...about 80' It's supposed to rain again for the rest of the week, but the weekends have been beautiful.

I remember a vampire flick titled Blood and Roses. It was a contemporary tale about vampires returning after the war with the usual blood sucking, but there was a scene in a greenhouse with roses and thorns and finger pricks and fangs, anyway, it was very creepy to the teenage me. Despite that emotional trauma I still love roses and vampires.

I'm joining Horror Writer's of America, an organization that speaks for itself. They are a most supportive group and are very generous and encouraging to newbie me. My vampires are feeling most welcome. They may be the lightweights in this group of characters. Hoping they'll be seeing the light of day, so to speak, soon.

There's a Ken doll that's just aching to transform into a vampire, one of the scary flying ones from my book. I have a few ideas involving bats, wings and watch parts. Of course, I do have a Barbie that giggles and I'd love to turn her into a vampire just for spite but I'm not sure how that will work.

The full moon usually has it's way with me. I do get a little loony sometimes. That can work in my favor creatively. It is really ok to be a tad crazy once in a blue moon. Everyone is.

Sagittarius Horoscopes
(Nov 22 - Dec 21)
Next Week
For the Week of Jun 8th, 2009 -- Sticking to a schedule might not be your strong point and could be especially difficult this weekend. Plans shift unexpectedly, promises are forgotten and facts are fuzzy. Pleasure arrives when you're spontaneous, so give yourself permission now to change your mind and adjust your course of action whenever you feel like it.

Yes, like I don't anyway. Well, the planets seem to be aligned for fuzziness so I may as well go with it.

Vampires aren't the only beings with sharp teeth. Ouch!

Heavy Metal

2009-05-31T22:43:00.006-04:00

Sagittarius Horoscopes
(Nov 22 - Dec 21)
Next Week
For the Week of Jun 1st, 2009 -- You may have to wait on the sidelines on Friday but the rest of the weekend should be excellent for getting lots of attention. The Moon entering your sign on Saturday puts you in the spotlight where you can let your enthusiastic personality shine. Playing hard, not hard to get, is a game that you are almost certain to enjoy now.

General Weekly Love Horoscope Influences
Slow down and enjoy the pleasures of the senses this weekend when alluring Venus enters earthy Taurus. The power of a good meal, sweet music or a tender touch can lift any one's spirits. There is so much of life to love and when you connect with that feeling it makes others want to connect with you.

Good news! Been invited to a Louisiana Craw Fish Boil, Long Island style, on Saturday. That's sure to be a good meal. So comforting to know the stars are smiling on the festivities. There's sure to be plenty of friendly people in fine spirits.

Things have been a bit topsy turvy here. It seems to have become the norm over the past year or so. Can't say that I'm getting used to it, but I certainly have become much more philosophical than pragmatic. I've decided to distract myself by trying something new. I signed up for an online doll making course given by Nancye Williams. The dolls are primitive and pretty. I'm thinking primitive and edgy once I get the hang of it. The basic doll making uses poly clay and wire. Think of the possibilities :)

I may take a metal embossing class too. I've done some embossing and really enjoy it. Learning a few new techniques will be fun. Mmmm, metal good.

Now, if there was just a class for turning your brain off for a little while...been dreaming about wisteria.

Metal~Oaxaca 2008

Walala Wa Sala

2009-05-24T16:50:00.009-04:00

That roughly translates to 'you snooze, you lose'.

There is a raging thunderstorm rumbling by right now. Half an hour ago the sun was shining down on my little garden. Pam, a Jehovah's Witness stopped to ask for my daughter as I was planting marigolds along the edge of my tiny parcel of earth. They had many conversations before she moved to her own place. The lilies are up and growing. My bargain rosebush, with blooms the color of the best sunset you ever saw, is full of buds again for the fifth year. A couple of sparrows were so engaged in courtship they flew right into Pam. I'm not sure who was more surprised. We spoke of the joy of a garden. How people just stop to chat as you're poking the earth or pulling some weeds. A beautiful neighbor once came running across the street with two ice cream cones for me and Christine as we tended the flowers. Another neighbor asked permission to pick a bachelor's button for his lapel each morning. That was from the first garden I planted here. Just some wildflower seeds, but what a show! Crimson poppies, bright yellow sunflowers, lemon colored evening primroses and daisies in starched white bloomed all summer. Oh yes, and those sky blue bachelor buttons.

Although retired, he rose the same time each morning. Walking to the corner deli for his morning paper in sartorial splendor, he said he felt the boutonniere was the finishing touch. I'll say. He was the eyes of the neighborhood. I'm not sure when he slept. If there was someone suspicious near any one's car in the wee hours he would be on the phone with security. He was a delight to talk to whether working in the garden or shoveling snow. He and his wife were devoted to one another. She died about six months after he did. She told me her heart was broken and she would see him soon.

The point I mean to make is to appreciate each minute. A garden is a microcosm of life. When it's dormant in the winter we plan for the spring. Springtime brings green shoots from bulbs that overwintered. In fact, they need that chill, that dormancy to regenerate and bloom anew. Summer brings the lush life. Flowers, herbs, fruits and vegetables at their peak of fragrance and flavor, just ripe for the picking. Autumn, my favorite season, makes preparation for the sleep of winter. The transition from growth to rest is celebrated 'round the world. On Halloween or Dia de los Muertos, the thin veil that separates the living and dead lifts for a day or two. We celebrate the memory of those we loved and feel them ever closer to us for a brief time. It reminds us to show love and appreciation for those we care for while we can.

The storm is over. The sun is shining through the clouds. Ozone makes the air smell clean and fresh. People are back out trying to salvage their barbecues. Thunder rolls in the distance, but it might just roll the other way. Thinking I need a new skull fence for the Goth garden. It will have to wait for the Halloween sales in the Fall. I think it has an old fashioned look about it.

So, I've Been A Little Cranky

2009-05-17T21:38:00.006-04:00

General Weekly Love Horoscope Influences
There's a tendency to turn a small matter into a major deal this weekend. Whether it's a little comment that stirs a negative reaction or a moment of sweetness that spurs dreams of lifelong romance, try not to lose your sense of proportion. Keep your feet on the ground to avoid losing your head now.

My feet are on the ground. My head is in the clouds. Lots of stuff happening on the home front, but it's time for that one-day-at-a-time mantra. When I'm feeling relatively helpless I get a bit testy. Sequestering myself away from the general public is to our mutual benefit. I actually got a chunk of writing done. Vampires adore morose attitudes. Then, it was time for a change of pace.

A couple of weeks ago a few of my patients decided to give me a mini-course in Yiddish. Living in New York City my entire life has given me much exposure to this rich expressive language. Many expressions I take for granted are Yiddish. For example nudnick, mensch, schlemiel, punim, yenta, bubele and oy are sprinkled in my conversational English. There's not as much Yiddish spoken here these days. Times change. It was fun to hear it and try to pronounce the words without massacring them.

I happened to comment about this on Twitter and one of my sweet tweets recommended Born to Kvetch by Michael Wex. I decided to get the audio too for obvious reasons. It's a wonderful history of the Yiddish language. What a refreshing change of pace. I listened to a couple of the CDs while Spring cleaning and not only learned a thing or two but had a good chuckle or three.

Let's face it. Most of us are born to kvetch.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LnaZqHy2ZHE&feature=related

Such a punim! Oy bubele :)

Lost In Candy Land

2009-05-10T19:17:00.007-04:00

Vickie

Your horoscopes for Monday, May 11, 2009
General Weekly Love Horoscope
Passions continue to sizzle as alluring Venus and energetic Mars track closely together in enterprising Aries. Making bold moves and acting impulsively can create some awkward moments. Yet, as long as you live in the present, instead of trying to lock in love forever, mistakes are not likely to have lasting consequences.

Ah yes, those awkward moments do happen. Mistakes, well, who doesn't make a mistake once in a while. As far as lasting consequences, you never know. Living in the present is a much more comfortable place to be. I've been trying to save my energy for the here and now for the most part. There's so much going on it pays to stay focused. There was a time I longed to see the future, but I've reached a point in my life where the universe can surprise me. That certainly has been the case for the past year or so. Now I see all the effort to control most situations is an exercise in futility. I'm not condoning anarchy, but I do see a pattern of organized chaos. We do what we think is best and then we watch life unfold as it will. Next, we scurry to pick up pieces and reassemble the puzzle of life to the best of our ability. Sometimes it looks even better than the original image, other times not so much. In the grand scheme of things it probably doesn't matter all that much. The idea is to stay in the game until we come to the end. In a way we all win.

When my daughter was little her favorite board game was Candy Land which we played ad nauseum. There were obstacles and shortcuts, good guys and bad guys. We always played 'til the end when some one, guess who, won. It took forever. You just kept on that path until you get where you're going. Real life isn't quite so straightforward, but you get the idea. Just keep on truckin'. Don't stress about tomorrow. Treat the past gently, it's a done deal. So, that leaves us with the present, right here, right now. That's a good place to be.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0PjjwkqMXfc

Coldplay~lost in candyland

What Do You Mean, Paranoid?

2009-05-08T00:31:00.005-04:00

My daughter swears I am the most suspicious person she knows. Trust issues. Post traumatic stress stuff, what have you.

Well, I swear some one is watching Natalie. I feel it in my bones.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=doFKkuzoawM

The Police~thanks Sting :) & Kumar

Life In The Fast Lane

2009-05-03T16:37:00.003-04:00

Natalie Sky was scheduled to arrive mid-May. She had other plans. In the midst of much toil and labor she was born the night of May 2. Awesome is an understatement. It's a strange and magical feeling to be present at the birth of your grandchild. The joy and pain of life are mingled and then there is this tiny miracle. You see a new journey beginning for a sweet soul and can't help but wonder where it will take her.

Of course I had her natal horoscope charted and lo and behold. Her Sun Sign is Taurus, as is her mom's. Her moon sign is Leo, her dad is a Leo and her rising sign is Sagittarius. Guess who? We are the three family members present at her birth. Sure, coincidence, a lot of hooey, say what you will. It works for me.

Natalie's Prayer

I pray the universe will be open for her.

I pray she will have grand dreams to follow.

I pray she will be strong in her sense of self.

I pray she will know compassion and be compassionate.

I pray she will be safe and still have her share of adventures.

I pray she will know how much she is loved and how to share that love with others.

There are a gazillion other wishes I have for her. With any luck we'll have many years to share them. Life is good. Today it's fantastic!

Prayer from Grandma with looove xoxo

Pics~Miss Natalie about 15 minutes old & Natalie with me!

New Territory

2009-04-26T16:41:00.005-04:00

Sagittarius Horoscopes
(Nov 22 - Dec 21)
Next Week

For the Week of Apr 27th, 2009 -- You love exploring new territory, Sagittarius, and the Moon in your 9th House of Faraway Places makes it even more alluring this weekend. Seek out people and events from different cultures to fill your heart with joy. When you stretch your boundaries you light up with a smile that makes others want to be around you.

W00T!! Stretching boundaries is so enjoyable. There may be that little tingle of anxiety, perhaps a tiny thrill of danger. Well, if you don't test yourself how will you have any fun? How will you continue to grow if you don't step out of the box once in a while? As for me, I don't know where I'm going but I'm going.
It's almost baby time and the surrogate nesting instinct has me tossing things out and bringing softer things in their place. Babies are magical beings. They set you on a new path, one I've walked before as a parent. The mindset changes, the boundaries stretch. This is life. The Wheel of Fortune turned up in my tarot reading this morning reminding me that nothing is static. Even when you think you're standing still, perhaps to catch your breath, things keep changing around you.
My mom sent a little note saying she is looking forward to being back in the neighborhood although she will miss the wine hour with my brother and his wife.
My daughter is excited by the prospect of having her daughter's great-grandmother closer to home. Round and round we go. Isn't it grand?

Mother & Daughter~altered~ Outsider Artists xoxo
Weather in NYC ~ 92' and sunny Hah!

Some Days Better Than Others

2009-04-21T18:07:00.006-04:00

Return I
by Elisabeth Stevens

When I am traveling,

hurrying hundreds of miles

in trains or by car,

I pass houses

where we once lived.

All those places

once seemed permanent, immutable,

part of our marriage, home.

Now they are abandoned stage sets,

insubstantial cardboard and canvas.

Like clothes sent to the thrift shop,

there were lives that we left behind—just like taking out the garbage,

dropping it in the can,

slamming the lid.

I return as a tourist to

our old lives. Speeding by,

I see our first roof top through

a soot-marked window. I could walk there

from the station. I do not get off the train.

When I have the car,

I park down the block from another place and keep the motor running.

I see tulips whose bulbs I held,

brown and flaky in my palm.

Without moving,

I cross the lawn like a specter, ring the bell like a prankster, run away.

The house has been painted a different color. The swing set is gone.

At the country place, our last,

I stop behind the privet hedge you planted

to see your tree.

Set out in September when you'd measured your last summer's sun,

it now shades the terrace, just as you'd planned.

When you died, I thought of putting your ashes under your tree.

Instead, the summer after,

I sat out alone in the evenings,

waiting, listening to the leaves.

I still have your car, our child,

the dog, and some of the money.

The cat, the rabbits and the goldfish

are gone. I release the brake.

Driving quickly, I take a familiar road.

I do not see anyone we knew.

"Return I" by Elisabeth Stevens, from Household Words. © Three Conditions Press, 2000.

Pic~Izabella

Absinthe or Present

2009-04-19T16:38:00.005-04:00

Vickie, Your horoscopes for Monday, April 20, 2009
General Weekly Love Horoscope
This is a great time for lovers as astrology's romantic leads, Venus and Mars, join together this week. The heat will continue to rise as both planets enter fiery Aries and stay close to each other for almost two months. Sensual delights are offered by the weekend's Taurus New Moon, a reminder that making your love life a priority will reward you with pleasure.

Sage advice indeed...making your love life a priority. There's nothing more precious than love. Few people realize what a gift it is when they are in the moment. Just let that moment disappear and there you are, bereft. Be certain to appreciate all the love you have, family, friends, lover and the universal love that ties it all together. I try to remind myself every day.

Lately, I've become a bit forgetful. This does happen to me in the springtime. Some call it Spring Fever. It's a kind of day distant state of mind, not unpleasant, but slightly distracting. The spring cleaning offensive is part of the syndrome. Diving into the clutter that is my art studio/guest-baby room is most therapeutic. There is lots of stuff there--metal, canvas, fabric, ribbons, buttons and ephemera. Shiny things appeal to me. My stash of sequins from old flapper dresses, rhinestones, beads of every description and glitter. Yes, sparkling glitter in rainbow colors (and lots of black, of course) in all forms from glass shards (not child friendly) to fine, pale glow-in-the dark white reside in my little studio. I found minute Mexican wrestlers with masks and capes, teeny tiny almost microscopic people and many plastic animals and amphibians.

Numerous tin nichos await their new residents. There is even fabric from old kimonos and silk saris. Securing these treasures away from tiny hands will be a feat of wonder, but I've done it before when Christine was a babe. Grand babies are so cool. The room is a bit Gothic, but I can cover my Gorey prints and snake-haired portraits easily enough when necessary. Never did I think I would have pink in my white, gray and black decor. It does give a softer tone to the room.

Moving the absinthe fountain to my bedroom seems a prudent idea. Pink fairies are so much more apropos than green ones for a little girl. Pink curtains are out, though. Maybe a dreamy mauve. It's just that I do write some of the vampire tales in that room and I'm not sure they would be comfortable with pink curtains. There's always room for compromise, even among the undead. Now, about the swords...

Grimm cover~AlphaStamps xoxo

http://alphastamps.com/

Egg Hunts & Hidden Treasure

2009-04-12T22:26:00.004-04:00

Vickie, Your horoscopes for Monday, April 13, 2009
General Weekly Love Horoscope
Romantic Venus finally ends her retrograde period on Saturday and slowly begins moving forward again. This will help to get relationships back on track, whether it's about repairing a current one or finding a new one. Don't expect to be blasted by the heat of love right away, as this weekend is more about reason than passion.

Reason is fine with me. There's been a lot of moving and shaking lately. Spent a lovely Easter afternoon and evening with dear family. Mom was in good spirits as we all were. We even Skyped the Floridians, dripping from a dip in the pool, cooling off from a toasty 80'.

Each year the traditional egg hunt takes place. Theresa hides them and the junior crew goes on the hunt. The boys are getting older and a bit bored, but Caitlin still finds joy in each egg discovered. Soon there will be new additions toddling about the yard seeking their treasure.

We will photograph and document the great event. As the years pass those pictures become

the catalyst to remembering the real treasure we find. Of course it is the love we have for one another. The realization how precious the time we have as a family is, how fragile it is. Like the soap bubbles the kids blow into the wind with rainbows reflecting on the surface, time shines and evaporates back into eternity.

So, I say, don't hide your treasure. Don't save it for a rainy day. Enjoy your life and let those you love know how much they mean to you. Tell them every day. They're good eggs.

Star Crossed

2009-04-05T16:39:00.008-04:00

Sagittarius Horoscopes
(Nov 22 - Dec 21)
Next Week
For the Week of Apr 6th, 2009 -- You may be uncharacteristically low-key this weekend, preferring the company of a quiet person to being in the middle of a rowdy crowd. This offers you a perfect opportunity for a delicate conversation or some inner reflection that will give you a more objective picture of your relationship situation

Vickie, Your horoscopes for Monday, April 06, 2009
General Weekly Love Horoscope
Venus, the planet of romance, swims back into sensitive Pisces to add inspiration and uncertainty to relationships. This is her last full week of retrograde (backwards) motion, stirring up memories of love gained and lost. Draw on the wisdom of positive experiences to find pleasure in the present and spur hope for the future.

Springtime is for beginnings. Starting something. Renewal. Daffodils and hyacinths are blooming.

Pale green and soft pink buds appear on trees and bushes. Sunshine yellow forsythia sway in the breeze, waving on opportunity. April showers are predicted for tomorrow, today is glorious. A beautiful Palm Sunday. Neighbors stroll by holding graceful green fronds. Some have been fashioned into small or large verdant crosses, already fading to the pale straw color they will remain 'til reduced to midnight dust for Ash Wednesday service. Easter is next Sunday, truly a symbol of rebirth.

I am looking forward, but, at the same time I've been checking where I've been. Getting my bearings. One of the reasons I love the night sky is the constellations. Since mythology captured my imagination as a child, the idea that these entities resided in the stars seemed quite logical to me. Then, finding out sailors used these very same constellations to navigate the seas led me to believe that Orion or Leo or lovely Cassiopeia actually showed them the way to all the exotic places they dreamed of at the start of the voyage.

Now there is much debate as to the possibility of life on planets within these constellations.

As galaxies expand or contract and even collide I feel it's almost certain life exists elsewhere in the universe. As self-centered as the human race can be, there is room for this possibility.

Growing up I watched men land on the moon and, amazingly, walk on it's surface. Astronauts leaping into the air, defying gravity and gracefully landing on the moon dust gave me the impression I would one day be able to do the same. For the most part, I am still earthbound save the occasional airline flight where at least I get to peer into and above the clouds.

Now it seem Venus has been swimming backwards, poor dear! It must be quite tricky to hop onto that clam shell doing a backward flip. This may explain why she's been a mite testy lately. All that and she has to contend with sensitive fish. That may explain why she's been reminiscing about past romances. Sometimes the present is just too much to deal with for now. A little nostalgia is healthy so long as that's not where you decide to reside. I'm sure she'll be back in her awesome stride once she's on the right course again. Her cohorts in the stars will make sure she gets the right star map. I've always had quite a fondness for Orion in that chill winter sky, standing there with his belt and sword. Hmm, it could be the sword.

For some reason, heaven only knows, I have Paris on my mind. Perhaps it's spring fever. Maybe there's something in the stars. Everything is coming up Paris for me, though I have no plans to visit the City of Lights. The last time I visited Paris I was in love. That is the right place to be.

If it is in the stars, I may be standing under the Eiffel Tower again. Ah, that would be magnifique!

Ah, Edith Piaf!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rKgcKYTStMc&feature=related

This journal page sums things up for today.

No, I did not forget. Weather in Oaxaca 93' partly sunny.

"Men like women who write. Even though they don't say so. A writer is a foreign country."

~Marguerite Duras

Perhaps...lol

Chick and the Chickaroos

2009-04-04T19:11:00.003-04:00

My dad's given name was Reuben James, but everyone called him Chick. He was born April 4, 1920 in New York City, the first in his family to be born in the USA. They immigrated from Spain, some via Cuba. Family was everything to him. My mom, of Irish and German descent, kept us all in line. We knew we were his top priority.

This is a picture my brother Mark sent, copied from an old slide taken many moons ago. That's my brother Bob, my Dad and me. As I recall, I wanted to be a singing cowgirl, stage name Peggy Lee. Must have had a fever!

Thanks for all the love Dad. We still carry it with us as we carry you in our hearts.

xoxo

April Fool on the Hill

2009-04-01T09:39:00.025-04:00

In honor of April Fool's Day the DJ on my morning radio program was playing songs with 'fool' in the title. Next thing Paul McCartney is singing 'Fool on the Hill', one of my fave Beatles' songs.
It reminds me of my brother Chris. I'm blessed with a lovely sister and five amazing brothers.
Chris and I were simpatico. We got one another. We were in the same groove, on the same wavelength. We may have been considered a bit more eccentric than our siblings, which is quite a statement if you know our family.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDJ-015ojec

Back in the day, Chris and some friends rented a house in College Point, location Queens, known to be the northernmost tip of the Bermuda triangle. On a moonlit night the boys decided a party was in order.
Arriving fashionably late, accompanied by my friend known affectionately as 'The Hat', I surveyed the grounds. The yard was alive with people enjoying various beverages and refreshments. Hey, it was the '70s, you get the idea. We entered the house and found ourselves in the kitchen. Someone had baked a huge, gooey fudge layer cake, decorated with tiny chocolate babies and a gazillion sprinkles. Next to the cake was a pan of brownies, still warm from the oven. The aroma was heavenly. The Hat did not resist temptation. Deftly lifting a brownie from the pan, he consumed it in three bites. Smiling, he poured some wine for us and we retired to the veranda. OK, it was the backyard. Chris spotted us and ran across the lawn.

"Glad you made it. How's everything?"
The Hat swayed a bit, then whispered..."Man, I feel weird. Was there something in those brownies?"
Today you may think, how cliche. Then, it was a legitimate question. *
"No, just regular brownies, no extras."
The Hat did not buy it.
"I better sit down." Which he did, on the grass under a sprawling oak under the moonlight.
I sat next to him. Another roommate appeared.
"You need to lie down Hat? You can use my water bed if you want."
The Hat just gave him a doleful look.
"Thanks Elliot, but I don't think I can move right now."
Chris leaned down, looking into his eyes.
"Listen, Elliot is going to get some chamomile tea for you. You'll be fine about ten minutes after you drink it. Just relax. We'll all sit here for a while and listen to Van Morrison."
That's just what we did. Miraculously, The Hat was his old self within the prescribed time.
It was a beautiful night.

Later, as we drove home, past the wrought iron factory, The Hat turned to me with a smile.
"Your bro's a cool dude. He does that mind control calm you down thing. He's my man."
Yeah, he was my man, too. Totally cool.

Chris was a wise man. I would seek his advice on many issues. He moved to California, I stayed in New York. He met Mary and her beautiful children. They married and had another amazing child. The laid back West Coast suited him. It was home.

My daughter and I were ready for a long overdue visit to Chris and the family. In our last phone call he was so excited. We would be taking another road trip together. He had the itinerary and the music all planned. Everything was groovy.

The phone rang about 1AM. It was my Mom, but she sounded so small, so far away.
"We lost Christopher. He's gone."
I screamed "No!" to the Universe. It still echoes in the stars.

Chris died suddenly from a dissected aorta. His family donated his organs.
We listened to Van Morrison at the memorial service. We laughed and we wept.
Mary said we should take the road trip, so two weeks later Christine and I flew back. We celebrated Chris, singing Hotel California as we rolled along the highway.

A few months later I received an email from Mary. It told us how his donated organs had been used all over the world. He would have been happy to help each and every recipient. He was a blessing for them the way he always was for us. Very cool.

My heart goes out to Liam Neeson and all of Natasha Richardson's family. She too was a gift in life and in death. Bless them all.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojGuCttS55w

Fool on the Hill~The Beatles
Tupelo Honey~Van Morrison

pic~Woodstock summer 2006
some names may have been chnged to protect the guilty

*totally untainted brownies, totally man

New Moon Mojo

2009-03-29T17:37:00.008-04:00

Sagittarius Horoscopes
(Nov 22 - Dec 21)
Next Week
For the Week of Mar 30th, 2009 -- The truth is a good thing to know but not always an ideal conversation starter. Your tendency to speak directly is admirable most of the time but could ruffle some feathers this weekend. A sensitive individual may not know that you're joking. If you're just playing, make sure that everyone is in on the game to avoid any conflicts or misunderstandings.

Well, I do believe some feathers did ruffle this weekend, but that's ok. Things will smooth down in no time.

We're just coming off the New Moon, which is a time for new beginnings. This moon is in Aires which makes it particularly effective for starting important goals. Spring and rebirth and those pheromones that fill the air this time of year can make one very edgy. I'm feeling it, most assuredly, but there has been a great deal ending, too. Still, whether planting a garden, writing a book or painting your living room, that feeling of growth and accomplishment is fine!

The day started cool and foggy. Walking this morning, I had the sensation of stepping through clouds. Close to that feeling you may get peering out the window on a plane. It was eerie and calming at the same time. Then my mind wandered off to the supernatural plane. Though The Count may be on my table, the werewolf came to mind. This is a cool tune.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPmuD3-36dM

Earth Hour was a great success worldwide and personally, too. A couple of months ago there was a local blackout here Queens. Go Con Ed! What's a girl to do in a pitch black house on a cold winter's night. Alone, I fixed a tall cool drink and sat down to write by candlelight. With no distractions and plenty of atmosphere, I wrote a chapter of a vampire story which had little to do with my current book. It takes place in Mexico and has a good twist to it. I'm sure it will develop into a great storyline. With that achievement in mind, I put pen to paper last night. Lo and behold, I finally arrived at the end of my first story. I've been chasing this around for months, making myself crazy (do not smirk please, allow me :)

Maybe I'll try writing by candlelight more often. It seems to work for me.

On a different note, I found some beautiful porcelain doll heads and some sitting frozen Charlotte dolls with missing arms. They are just perfect for a project I'm working on, sort of a Crazed Carousel with some strange beasts and 'people'. That is on the back burner for now. The little quilt is in progress and needs to be finished soon.

Jackie Garbarino over at Altered Pages is starting an Elvis ATC swap. Check it out.

http://www.alteredpages.com/

The spring cleaning bug has got me and I am attacking stacks of books and ephemera.

I am scaring myself!

Have been adding to my comic collection, too. That's one investment I really enjoy.

Check out one of the funniest commercials I have seen!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S1ZZreXEqSY

Marvel Comics~Giant Dracula Sept 1974

Cat Power~ Werewolf

Earth Hour March 28, 2009 8:30-9:30PM

2009-03-26T21:32:00.004-04:00

Lights out for the planet. Just one hour. The polar bears will love you. I will, too. xoxo
http://www.earthhourus.org/

Obsession Addiction Compulsion

2009-03-22T16:59:00.008-04:00

Sagittarius Horoscopes
(Nov 22 - Dec 21)
Next Week
For the Week of Mar 23rd, 2009 -- The Sun, Venus and the Moon are all in your 5th House of Romance on Friday night, so it's definitely the right time to make your move. If you try and fail the first time, don't give up. Persistence counts more than precision now, so don't be shy about going after who and what you want, even when it seems a little pushy.

Monday, March 23, 2009
General Weekly Love Horoscope
The fires of love burn brightly with the union of magnetic Venus and the Sun on Friday. Yet the urge to merge can overcome common sense and lead to some aggressive social behavior. Venus is still rolling in reverse gear and those who hurry toward romance may find themselves having to back out quickly when they choose the wrong partner or make an awkward move with someone they know.

Goodness, I'm even scaring myself. Persistence and pushy can be a powerful combination, but not always recommended for romance. Still, the two P's do have their place.

I've been trying to sort out the difference in obsessive, addictive and compulsive behaviour because there seems to be a mish mosh of all in my psyche. Not news to those close to me.

In fact, my daughter seems to feel I am obsessed with this website

http://icanhascheezburger.com/2009/03/20/funny-pictures-am-sorry/

It's just that I find cats entertaining. Perhaps the fact I email these pictures to her on at least a daily basis may lead her to believe I am obsessed with it. Wait. I'll just check again. They are pretty funny. Be back in a sec...

Now, oh yes, I've recently been described as being addicted to Dark Chocolate with Chili. Who isn't.

It may be more of a compulsion to check certain websites every single day. What's the harm in that? Checking the weather in Oaxaca and reporting to my friends and coworkers is becoming a mite worrisome. Ah, why worry? A couple of people actually ask me what is is once in a while.

Absolutely having to have my keys in my hand before I leave the house. That stems from accidentally tossing them in the dumpster with some other stuff I really wanted to toss. See, there is usually method to madness.

We all have many facets of who we are. Some are quite apparent to people we meet. Others are known to those closer to us. Then there are those we may deny or try to suppress. These are the ingredients that make us unique. It's difficult sometimes not to have some things drive you a little crazy, but that can be a positive thing. Some of my favorite creative work flows when I'm just over the edge. Wrestling with these quirks can use energy better spent on what it is you love to create, be it words, paper, metal, fabric, beads or food. Fill in your own blank and go with it.

I'm settling in to watch Twilight. Yeah, I read every book and enjoyed them very much. Nobody here is obsessed with vampires :) They're so cool, very cool.

Today's journal page. Just love the disembodied foot on Kate's dress :) I'm bad :O

Thank you Marney and Artella, great Studio Kits xoxo

Oaxaca weather~86' partial sunshine

Woodstock, NY weather~21' this evening

Nightmare on Main Street

2009-03-15T12:18:00.013-04:00

You can't help hearing alarming news. The television just loves to tell us how awful things are, "tune in later for an update". The newspapers that aren't folding (no pun intended) sport the same glaring headlines with dire forecasts about bank failures, layoffs and foreclosures. You're online, you know the internet is rife with the same bad news. We all have friends and family who have been affected by this decimating spiral of events.

Then you come across something that doesn't just depress you. It doesn't just frustrate you.

It doesn't just make you angry.

It pushes the button that says 'ENOUGH!!'

In it's zeal to protect children from dangerous products, Congress passed a law which includes a provision to ban the sale of pre-1985 children's books. What this means is thrift shops, used book stores, even the people hosting garage sales, are forbidden to sell these and many other items, such as children's clothing, without a detailed research of all embellishment of each item.

That would be plastic, buttons, zippers and paint. These would have to be tested and then the item would be approved for sale or not. The cost of this procedure is prohibitive for small businesses, never mind the garage sale entrepreneur.

There is an excellent article by Walter Olsen at City Journal which details the bureaucracy attached to this law. Some are burning these books. You're subject to the law even if you give them away. I consider my books my friends. Some I have known since before I could read them and others have come into my life recently. There are many old books in my home. Scavenging library sales and thrift stores for treasures is a fave pastime. When I walk into a library I inhale the scent of books, old books. The feel of the book in my hand is a comfort. The touch of the paper between my fingers brings anticipation of a new adventure. As a child, my daughter was on a first name basis with our librarian, Eleanor. She was able to read Eleanor's name from the hieroglyphs on her pendant because she learned the symbols from an old book.To burn a book is breaking a sacred trust between friends. It's just wrong.

http://www.city-journal.org/2009/eon0212wo.html

We are the government and as such we have a duty to speak out and protest when something is so blatantly wrong. Will this administration be attentive to the voice of the people? I say, let's give it a go.

You can contact your Congressman, I know I will. Let your Senators know how you feel, too.

Of course, it's not just this issue that gets my goat, but this one got the fire burning. Once a flower child, still protesting peacefully but vocally. Power to the people, folks!

This is a great song which kind of sums up how I feel at the moment.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cSXL98Z-WAk&feature=related

Fearless ~ VNV Nation

So many little things followed me

So many little things that bothered me. But I found my answer.

From all the chaos that followed me I have found my answer.

I've told you before don't follow me because I am not your answer.

I am not alone, I am not afraid, I am not unhappy.

These are the words I say to myself everyday.

I am not alone, I am not afraid, I am not unhappy.

Tell me what ritual I should have today.

But I'm not alone. I've resolved so many things and set myself free.

I am not alone, I am not afraid, I am not unhappy.

The words I say to myself every day.

I am not alone, I am not afraid, I am not unhappy.

Such a stupid ritual to have to say to myself everyday.

I'm not alone but I found my answer and set myself free. I'm not unhappy.

I'm not alone and I'm not unhappy.

Not alone and I'm not unhappy.

I'm not afraid and I'm not unhappy.

I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid.

I am not alone. I am not afraid. I am not unhappy.

These are the words I say to myself everyday.

I am not alone. I am not afraid. I am not unhappy.

I'm not afraid

Fearless~vnv Nation

Speak Softly altered art from Outsider Art

Book Banning~City Journal

Atmosphere

2009-03-08T17:03:00.008-04:00

A baby shower can be a
transforming experience for both the mom and the daughter. Soon the

daughter will be a mom, too. There is something so magical in the cycle of life and the anticipation of new life within a family.

It is both exhilarating and humbling to enter the realm of grandmother. In mythology the grandmother is supposed to be wise, the keeper of wisdom, the voice of experience. Well, ok, I've had experience, but am I wise? As you live life you share your knowledge and experience with your children and hope and pray the right information filters through. If you can pour enough good sense, good judgement and good humor into the mix they have a solid foundation to nourish them as they grow into their own lives and loves. So far, so good. I am so filled with awe waiting to meet my new grandchild come this May.

The beautiful print above is by artist Betsy Walton http://www.morningcraft.com/

I could not resist the magical colors and story it seemed to tell me. It brought to mind the story of skeleton woman, beautifully told by Michael deMeng in his fantastic book Secrets of Rusty Things. In short, it is a wonderful story of rebirth and transformation. How sometimes you have to go back the the bare bones of your existence before you are reborn and transformed back to yourself, a you tempered by life and experience. The magic in the transformation is love, especially the ability to share love.

When I saw all those women floating around in various states of completion that truth resonated for me.

For a while there will be four generations of the women of our family on this planet. How cool is that?

Atmosphere ~ print by Betsy Walton

Skeleton Woman ~ Inuit myth

Roses and Rosary Beads

2009-03-01T09:30:00.014-05:00

I Crave Your Mouth

I crave your mouth, your voice, your hair.

Silent and starving, I prowl through the streets.

Bread does not nourish me, dawn disrupts me, all day

I hunt for the liquid measure of your steps.

I hunger for your sleek laugh,

your hands the color of a savage harvest,

hunger for the pale stones of your fingernails,

I want to eat your skin like a whole almond.

I want to eat the sunbeam flaring in your lovely body,

the sovereign nose of your arrogant face,

I want to eat the fleeting shade of your lashes,

and I pace around hungry, sniffing the twilight,

hunting for you, for your hot heart,

Like a puma in the barrens of Quitratue.

~Pablo Neruda

Your Laughter

Take breath away from me, if you wish,

take air away, but

do not take from me your laughter.

Do not take away the rose,

the lanceflower that you pluck,

the water that suddenly

bursts forth in your joy,

the sudden wave

of silver born in you.

My struggle is harsh and I come back

with eyes tired

at times from having seen

the unchanging earth,

but when your laughter enters

it rises to the sky seeking me

and it opens for me

all the doors of life.

My love, in the darkest

hour you laughter

opens, and if suddenly

you see my blood staining

the stones of the street,

laugh, because your laughter

will be for my hands

like a fresh sword.

Next to the sea in the autumn,

your laughter must raise

its foamy cascade

and in the spring, love,

I want your laughter like

the flower I was waiting for,

the blue flower, the rose

of my echoing country.

Laugh at the night,

at the day, at the moon,

laugh at the twisted

streets of the island,

laugh at this clumsy

boy who loves you,

but when I open

my eyes and close them,

when my steps go,

when my steps return,

deny me bread, air

light, spring,

but never your laughter

for I would die.

~Pablo Neruda

Ah, Pablo Neruda. His poetry, whether in Spanish, English or any other language, grabs hold of the soul. It may inflame passion~I Crave Your Mouth, or caress it with almost melancholy longing~Your Laughter. His words linger, reminding you both love and life are complicated, but so worthy of the travails.

Because I am who I am, I Crave Your Mouth brings my vampires to mind. They are a primal passionate bunch, but they love after their own fashion. The capacity to give and receive love is a gift and a double edged sword. Neruda and my vampires were quite prepared to fall upon that sword at times. The wound may or may not be lethal, but it is deep. So is love.

While searching for inspiration, I found that rosary beads acquired their name because their beads were made of rose petals in the past. I'm told that today there is still a convent that makes these fragrant treasures. Thank you ebay, I found a rosary of rose petal beads. It is quite lovely to my eyes and still has a rose fragrance. It may find its way into a chapter or two...it does seem to have a story to tell.

Last night, compliments of the fine hospitality of new friends, I spent an evening with old friends. We kind of lost touch, but recently our lives became entwined again through mutual acquaintances. That six degree thing again, so comforting to know the universe knits like Madame Defarge, usually without such dire results. We are all bound to one another, so cool :)
The company, the repast and those pink mojitos were wonderful. It seems any pink drink has a very giddy effect on me (some might say it is not the pink in the drink) and that is such a good thing. Things are still pretty wild in this neck of the woods and life is good.

Sagittarius Horoscopes
(Nov 22 - Dec 21)
Next Week
For the Week of Mar 2nd, 2009 -- You can enjoy conversation more than ever this weekend so seek the company of good talkers. Even if their tales aren't entirely true, you'll appreciate the entertainment value of outlandish ideas and philosophical ramblings. Sharing your own beliefs makes a mental connection that gets your mind off of the daily grind.

Hah! Ok, next weekend looks good too! lol

Lisa Vollrath is doing a lovely St. Patrick's Day Countdown. Check out her site for some shamrock green downloadable goodies. Thanks Lisa!

http://countdown.tentwostudios.com/

Your Laughter ~ Pablo Neruda inspired by Perceval Press
Your Mouth ~ Pablo Neruda inspired by Jonah Dawkins
Rose Petal Rosary, still obsessed with white flowers and Jonah, one of my fave vamps
Oaxaca weather 84' partly sunny
New York weather 14" snow predicted for manana...sigh...

Luther and the New Moon

2009-02-22T11:35:00.015-05:00

General Weekly Love Horoscope
A New Moon in mystical Pisces casts a magical spell on love this week. Dreams and fantasies are stirred and can provoke foolish behavior or lead you to the promised land of romance. Aim as high as you can but keep your feet planted on the ground to anchor your relationship goals in a solid foundation that can make them real

Sagittarius Horoscopes
(Nov 22 - Dec 21)
Next Week
For the Week of Feb 23rd, 2009 -- This weekend is your time to play, Sagittarius, because the Moon enters your 5th House of Romance. Put aside your responsibilities and indulge yourself in the pursuit of your heart's desires. This isn't about commitment; it's an opportunity to have such a great time that your grown-up concerns fade into the background.

My feet are firmly planted. The new moon on Tuesday is in Pisces, a most intuitive and compassionate sign. New moons are for making wishes. Not the wish upon a star kind of wish, but the putting out to the universe wish. It's a time to expand your connection to a higher power.

You know, focus, put it out there...go for it.

I guess I get a little break, a weekend to play.

I'm looking forward to seeing some old friends. We kind of fell off each other's radar, but with that crazy six degrees of separation thing, we are drawn together again. Pulling together a yummy paella for the occasion. I just found out that my little friend from Chile, Angie, whom I worked with for six years, married my sister-in-law's cousin's son. I think that's six degrees! That is so cool. We're practically sisters :) my sweet ghostbuster.

Things were getting a bit tense again, so I found a dreamy Luther Vandross selection to soothe my savage beast. That and a vodka tonic and an evening watching From Dusk to Dawn. I've been working with my own vampires, but they need more attention. You don't want to be around cranky vampires any time of the day.

Dusk

Now the ashen shadows mingle,
tints faded, sounds remote.
Life has dwindled to a single
vague reverberating note.
In the dusk I hear the humming
of a moth I cannot see.
Whence is this oppression coming?
I'm in all, and all's in me.

Gloom so dreamy, so lulling,
flow into my deepest deep,
flow, ambrosial and dulling,
steeping everything in sleep.
With oblivion's obscuration
fill my senses to the brim,

make me taste obliteration,
in this dimness let me dim.

—Fyodor Tyutchev (translated by Vladimir Nabokov)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ufeVscla5y8&NR=1

The Tower has come up again in my tarot readings, not unexpectedly. On it's own, it can signify destruction and despair, but in context it is right on the money for me. Many aspects of my life changed forever rather quickly recently. My brain and soul are adjusting, it just takes some time. At this point I often feel as though I'm on the outside looking in, like a movie. The Tower makes it's appearance when drastic change is happening, so I'm hanging on for the ride. It's weird, but it could be worse.

Happy bd senor d
Dusk ~ Perceval Press, you made me weep today or the state of the world did.
Who is the better hater? Love will conquer all.

Mothra destroying all of Japan...aaaaaeeeeeeaaa!!!!!!
Oaxaca weather ~ 82' and clear

Down, Down Down the Rabbit Hole

2009-02-18T18:55:00.009-05:00

Ah, relationships. No expert here. Lost loves and long distance romances, yes, I know a little about those. Wars and careers have necessitated juggling emotions and schedules and lifestyles at different times in my life. I have no words of wisdom. Each couple has their own dynamic and each has their wants and desires. I seem to need a lot of space. A good friend once told me I was probably a sea captain or married to one in a prior life. Could be, but in this one there often has been the challenge of distance. What I have found is, not surprisingly, it's not the physical distance that makes or breaks a relationship. Why is one attracted to another? Is the distance a factor? It may be if it is pre-existing, but in an unavoidable circumstance such as wartime (which seems to be all the time), there is a different spin on it. I'm rambling, I know, trying to make sense of something too ephemeral to explain rationally. Love is exhilarating, debilitating, ecstatic and, sometimes, love hurts. I am a fan of love.

I am a fan of Tom Waits, too. That 'just swallowed Drano' voice gets to me.

Alice ~ Tom Waits

It's dreamy weather we're on

You waved your crooked wand

Along an icy pond with a frozen moon

A murder of silhouette crows I saw

And the tears on my face

And the skates on the pond

They spell Alice

I disappear in your name

But you must wait for me

Somewhere across the sea

There's a wreck of a ship

Your hair is like meadow grass on the tide

And the raindrops on my window

And the ice in my drink

Baby all I can think of is Alice

Arithmetic arithmetock

Turn the hands back on the clock

How does the ocean rock the boat?

How did the razor find my throat?

The only strings that hold me here

Are tangled up around the pier

And so a secret kiss

Brings madness with the bliss

And I will think of this

When I'm dead in my grave

Set me adrift and I'm lost over there

And I must be insane

To go skating on your name

And by tracing it twice

I fell through the ice

Of Alice

And so a secret kiss

Brings madness with the bliss

And I will think of this

When I'm dead in my grave

Set me adrift and I'm lost over there

And I must be insane

To go skating on your name

And by tracing it twice

I fell through the ice

Of Alice

There's only Alice

http://www.todotango.com/spanish/download/player.asp?id=699

It's not Tom, but it's all about love. Muchas gracias Todo Tango!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_1Qo1eaWF8c&NR=1

Oh, I needed The King...my heart, heart, heart xoxoxo

Back view Alice in Wonderland ATC's

Besame Mucho

2009-02-15T12:54:00.015-05:00

Sonnet LXXXI

And now you're mine. Rest with your dream in my dream.
Love and pain and work should all sleep, now.
The night turns on its invisible wheels,
and you are pure beside me as a sleeping amber.

No one else, Love, will sleep in my dreams. You will go,
we will go together, over the waters of time.
No one else will travel through the shadows with me,
only you, evergreen, ever sun, ever moon.

Your hands have already opened their delicate fists
and let their soft drifting signs drop away; your eyes closed like two gray
wings, and I move

after, following the folding water you carry, that carries
me away. The night, the world, the wind spin out their destiny.
Without you, I am your dream, only that, and that is all.

~Pablo Neruda

Well, we made it past Friday the 13th and Valentine's Day, back to back. The good people of
Mexico City decided to celebrate the occasion with a record-breaking group kiss. Bravo!

Mexico City Sets Kissing Record

"We did it! Long live Mexico," said Mexican singer-actress Susana Zavaleta, who serenaded the crowd before the kiss with the classic Mexican ballad, "Besame Mucho," or "Kiss Me a Lot" — also the name of the event.

The Valentine's Day kiss was meant to show love at a time when a crackdown against drug traffickers has led to widespread violence across the country. At least 6,000 people died in drug-related conflicts in 2008.

"More than 35,000 will simultaneously kiss to show that warmth and love are at the core of this capital, the heart of the Mexican Republic," the city's tourism department, which organized the gathering, said in a statement.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NG5flDxauIc&feature=related

I love Mexico, too. Looking forward to returning in the fall for Dia de los Muertos and some fun in the sun.

Sagittarius Horoscopes
(Nov 22 - Dec 21)
Next Week
For the Week of Feb 16th, 2009 -- You may have to tone it down a bit this weekend if you want to make the best impression. You're usually more into enthusiasm than self-control, but a bit of restraint can do wonders for your personal life. Being reliable may not be exciting yet can solidify a relationship now.

Man, I always have to tone it down! Being reliable and exciting are not exclusive and being enthusiastic is fun!! Yes, I know, self-control. Got it :/

Mexico City Sets Kissing Record by Olga Rodriguez, AP

Rusty Heart, Cemetary, Oaxaca 2008 vt

Besame Mucho ~ Luis Miguel, I love the way the crowd sings along :)

One Is Not The Loneliest Number

2009-02-08T17:36:00.007-05:00

Sagittarius Horoscopes
(Nov 22 - Dec 21)
Next Week
For the Week of Feb 9th, 2009 -- Going out with friends or colleagues could be your key to social success on Friday, yet the rest of the weekend is quite different. You may connect with a very private person who requires discretion to feel safe with you. Or, you might just sit things out to enjoy some quiet time alone instead of pushing ahead in relationships

General Weekly Love Horoscope
Love is in the air this weekend with the Moon in partnership-friendly Libra on Friday and sexy Scorpio on Saturday and Sunday. It's important, though, to keep an open mind when you're closing in on your romantic prey since stimulating conversation and fresh ideas can be as attractive as smooth moves and good looks now.

Closing in on my romantic prey? Now, it's true, some one did describe me as a 'lion, a freakin' lion' this past week. It was not a romantic relationship. I was provoked and responded in kind :) MeowooooooowGrrrrrrr!

In fact, I admire lions. I'm just not on the prowl. Sitting things out enjoying quiet time would be heavenly, but, alas, not in my immediate future.

Today was one of those gift days you get during the winter. It dawned wrapped in sunshine and tied with ribbons of blue sky and gentle winds. My poor little goth garden, resting dormant and quietly regenerating, was quite a mess of old leaves and fallen rose branches. Although apropos to its namesake, I decided to clear it of some debris. Still waiting for the kiss of spring like Sleeping Beauty, it lies beneath soft hay, not brambles. Soon hellebores will peek out, waiting for the violet crocus. We have a lot more winter according to the groundhog. The sneak preview was glorious.

Wars rage, politicians pontificate but it is never business as usual. Let us work together for a change for the good of the world.

Hymn

At morn--at noon--at twilight dim

Maria! thou hast heard my hymn!

In joy and woe--in good and ill--

Mother of God, be with me still!

When the Hours flew brightly by

And not a cloud obscured the sky,

My soul, lest it should truant be,

Thy grace did guide to thine and thee

Now, when storms of Fate o'ercast

Darkly, my Present and my Past

Let my Future radiant shine

With sweet hopes of thee and thine.

Edgar Allan Poe

Yes, they are panthers, I didn't have lions or hellebores :)

Lunar eclipse manana, can you tell?

Need a Hug Friday

2009-02-06T19:14:00.005-05:00

Now, who doesn't need a hug every now and then?

This wonderful poem from Peter Meinke sums up the status quo.

I'm cuttin' out for a drink with Uncle Jim.

Listen
Uncle Jim

by Peter Meinke

What the children remember about Uncle Jim

is that on the train to Reno to get divorced

so he could marry again

he met another woman and woke up in California.

It took him seven years to untangle that dream

but a man who could sing like Uncle Jim

was bound to get in scrapes now and then:

he expected it and we expected it.

Mother said,

It's because he was the middle child,

and Father said, Yeah, where there's trouble

Jim's in the middle.

When he lost his voice he lost all of it

to the surgeon's knife and refused the voice box

they wanted to insert. In fact he refused

almost everything. Look, they said,

it's up to you. How many years do you want to live?

and Uncle Jim held up one finger.

The middle one.

"Uncle Jim" by Peter Meinke, from Liquid Paper: New and Selected Poems. © University of Pittsburgh Press, 1991. Reprinted with permission. (buy now)

Writer's Almanac

puppy & vm ~ hug therapy

Alice and Company

2009-02-04T22:03:00.009-05:00

Thank you Lenna. Here are pictures of the ATC's I sent for the swap.

You have the patience of a saint :)

http://creativeswaps.blogspot.com/2009/02/alice-in-wonderland-atc-swap-vickie.html

Just a bit of nonsense...Alice style

http://youtube.com/watch?v=q5FC6E5Gh4E&feature=related

Alice in Wonderland ATC Swap ~ Lenna Andrews xoxo

Still Spinning

2009-02-01T21:20:00.005-05:00

Sagittarius Horoscopes
(Nov 22 - Dec 21)
Next Week
For the Week of Feb 2nd, 2009 -- Your passion could heat up this week as alluring Venus enters your 5th House of Romance on Monday. While it's appropriate to be a bit bolder in pursuit of your dreams, you may have to take it down a notch during the weekend. It will be easy to overpower others then, which is not likely to make you attractive to them.

Ya think? Overbearing, overpowering and overkilling are usually not conducive to a happy relationship. Fortunately, I don't have the energy to be any of the aforementioned right now.

I just sent ten Alice in Wonderland ATCs to the wonderful Lenna Andrews and did not take one picture of any of them. Lucky for me, Lenna displays the ATCs on her Creative Lenna Swaps blog, so they will see the light of the internet. I did like the ATCs very much. Lately I've been working with more dimensional art. Going back to artist trading cards was fun, especially with the theme being Alice and her strange acquaintances. Take a peek at the gorgeous art already on display thanks to Lenna.

http://creativeswaps.blogspot.com/

I decided to enter a short story competition and, lo and behold, I had a great idea for the story.

It involves the Roman gods and goddesses in a contemporary setting. Can't say too much more for now, but it has momentum at the moment :)

I found a great tutorial for shadow puppets and a theater for them. It's a great venue for a vampire tale. Bless eBay, a beautiful Indonesian shadow puppet is currently winging its way to New York (hopefully). A little inspiration is a marvelous thing.

Spinner with Bats and Cats

Are We Being Serious Again?

2009-01-25T16:16:00.007-05:00

Sagittarius Horoscopes
(Nov 22 - Dec 21)

Next Week
For the Week of Jan 26th, 2009 -- The planets are lining up to create a passionate weekend for you. The fiery Aries Moon heats up your 5th House of Romance, Fun and Games to help you to let go of your worries and live in the moment. Your spontaneity is a magnet for others who will want to play with you. Don't let seriousness get in the way of these good times.

Seriousness will not get in the way. Oaxaca, though into the future, is on my mind. Bless Bee Woman this year for going crazy. Wild and crazy, I believe, were her operative words.

"Vickie, we are going to Oaxaca. Sensible and responsible are taking a vacation."

Obviously, she was not referring to me. I can be both, although I have a tendency to throw caution to the wind at times, sometimes...all right, often. Helen is my voice of reason. Heh!

We are going to have a good time.

A short story I haven't written yet is incubating for a Writer's Digest Contest. First prize is a publishing package with editing and distribution for my vampire book, Spellbound Blood or The Caretaker if I have it completely polished, edited and formatted by March of 2010. That's just over a year away, but books can't be rushed. Win or lose, I will be publishing Spellbound Blood in 2010, but it would be so much fun to win :)

Mexico will have it's share of vampires. Not quite From Dusk til Dawn, but creepily scary in its own right. Not all my vampires are as sympathetic as Dawkins.

Many serious things are brewing in the meantime. Such is life. This is why we appreciate a getaway. This is why we treasure our friends, especially in moments of unpredictable inspiration.

Josephine Baker not being serious

Free Hug Day

2009-01-21T17:59:00.004-05:00

Yeah baby, it should be every day.

This is a great video, just try not to smile :)

http://www.squidoo.com/free-hugs-campaign#module3706092

Well, I guess it's more of a kiss, but you get the idea xoxo

Hallelujah!! A New Day!

2009-01-20T00:03:00.009-05:00

OH HAPPY DAY !!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JQcQWpABjfw

Welcome President Obama!

Yes WE Can!

WELCOME, PRESIDENT OBAMA!

LET'S HOPE THAT THE DAYS WHEN CRIMINAL U.S. ADMINISTRATIONS ARE REPACKAGED AND REHABILITATED IN THE UNSUITABLE GUISE OF BELOVED MAVERICK STATESMEN BY SHAMELESS PUBLIC RELATIONS TEAMS ARE OVER. UNFORTUNATELY, IT IS PROBABLE THAT THE SAME AWKWARD SLEIGHT-OF-HAND, ABETTED BY U.S. MAINSTREAM MEDIA CORPORATIONS, WILL BE ATTEMPTED IN DUE COURSE ON BEHALF OF CHENEY AND BUSH, JR. -- AND PERHAPS ONCE AGAIN SWALLOWED HOOK, LINE AND SINKER BY A SIGNIFICANT SEGMENT OF THE U.S. PUBLIC. IT MOST LIKELY DEPENDS ON HOW FAR MR. OBAMA CHOOSES TO ATTEMPT TAKING HIS "CHANGE" CONCEPT IN TERMS OF SIGNIFICANTLY OVERHAULING THE STRUCTURE AND MORAL CONDUCT OF HIS COUNTRY'S GOVERNMENT. AS IMPORTANT AS ANYTHING HE CAN DO IN THIS REGARD IS LEADING THE WAY IN A EARNEST EFFORT TO PROSECUTE CHENEY, BUSH, JR. AND OTHERS IN THE OUTGOING ADMINISTRATION FOR TREASON, WAR CRIMES, FRAUD, AND THE HOST OTHER DOMESTIC AND INTERNATIONAL CRIMES THEY CAN JUSTIFIABLY BE TRIED FOR. IT CAN BE DONE AND IT NEEDS TO BE DONE IF THE GOVERNMENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA IS TO ACHIEVE THE FULL RESPECT OF THE FAMILY OF NATIONS AND, MOST IMPORTANTLY, OF ITS OWN CITIZENS. THIS IS AS HISTORICALLY IMPORTANT AND JUST A CALLING AS THOSE ACCEPTED BY THE INDIVIDUALS AND INSTITUTIONS CHARGED WITH EXAMINING AND PROSECUTING THE OUTRAGEOUS CONDUCT OF HITLER'S GOVERNMENT OR THAT OF SOUTH AFRICA'S APARTHEID-ERA REGIMES, TO NAME BUT A FEW OTHER TERRORIST ORGANISATIONS. HERE'S HOPING FOR THE VERY BEST FROM PRESIDENT OBAMA AND FROM US ALL ~ VIGGO MORTENSEN ~ PERCEVAL PRESS

Text of President Obama's inaugural address:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090120/ap_on_go_pr_wh/inauguration_obama_text

Erm...Yes, I can't help myself...love you Viggo!

Happy Birthday Ed!

2009-01-19T23:00:00.010-05:00

Edgar Allan Poe holds a special place in my heart. Even one of my vampires has a very close bond to him. Today is Ed's birthday. He had an abiding fear of being buried alive. Back in the day the mortician would tie a string with a bell attached to the corpse's finger. The string was long enough to allow the bell to be on the surface after the coffin was buried in the earth. A worker was then assigned to sit by and wait to hear if the bell rang during the night. Hence, the graveyard shift. I wonder how often they heard any ringing. This fear was reflected in Poe's works--The Fall of the House of Usher, The Cask of Amontillado, and The Telltale Heart, just a sampling of this theme. I think he would have loved this poem. It is right up his alley, dark and sad and true.

Everyone Is Afraid of Something ~ Dannye Romine Powell

http://writersalmanac.publicradio.org/index.php?date=2009/01/19

We decided to go the traditional route for a little birthday tune.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eczq0jLe-LI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kL8Vay4Hqa8&feature=related

Pour yourself a little absinthe and kick back for the evening.

Poe Postage Stamp
Masque of the Red Death~Nox Arcana
Annabelle Lee ~ Nox Arcana

About Love, Sex and Other Miracles

2009-01-16T12:00:00.010-05:00

When I read and listened to today's poem on Writer's Almanac it struck a familiar chord. It may seem strange to some, but meeting your first love in church on a Sunday is not as uncommon as it might appear. You're both wearing your Sunday best. Then there's that element of forbidden fruit--who flirts in a church during Mass? You would be surprised. Whether chance meeting or planned rendezvous, Sunday romance can be deliciously exciting.

http://writersalmanac.publicradio.org/index.php?date=2009/01/16/

My own recollection of love at first sight (or second) is still vivid, though I'm sure altered by the passage of time.

http://shrineonvickie.blogspot.com/2008/12/another-lk-day-of-sharing-song.html

The mind is like that, selectively choosing the happier memories and leaving the less satisfying behind. The mind can also play tricks on you.

Things have been busy at work. I wear gloves when I work and wash my hands each time I remove them, so some days I wash my hands fifteen to twenty times. My poor hands need some serious moisturizing. I glanced at the liquid hand lotion dispenser and was taken aback. Did that label say 'Dead Sex Minerals' !? I called Sandra over to the sink and had her take a look.

"Vic, I can see what you mean, but I'm pretty sure it says 'Dead Sea Minerals'. Maybe you need a break from your vampire story."

Maybe I do, but that was creepy. Somehow the mind always wanders over to sex, creepy or not.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHcQ5wRZ9iU

Yesterday that plane crash landed in the Hudson River. The sight of all those people standing on the plane's wing as a ferry arrived to board them was nothing short of a miracle. If this had been a movie people would have said it was too far fetched. They all survived. They missed the bridge by ninety feet. The Hudson was calm. I'm a firm believer in miracles. I always have been. Bless everyone involved, from the pilots to the ferrymen to the passengers. It's always a perfect time for a miracle.

Picture of hand lotion dispenser~come on, really, what does that say?

Fair Warning

2009-01-12T11:56:00.006-05:00

Check out this poem by Alden Nowlan...you've been warned!
http://writersalmanac.publicradio.org/index.php?date=2009/01/12

Picture~Black pottery kiln, Oaxaca
Today's weather in Oaxaca ~ 74' mixed sun and clouds

Viggo, Sigh...

2009-01-11T16:44:00.009-05:00

The minute I heard my first love story,
I started looking for you
not knowing how blind that was
Lovers don't finally meet somewhere;
they're in each other all along.

~Rumi~

My celebrity crush on Viggo Mortensen is well known among my friends, family and some acquaintances. If you peruse this blog you will see numerous references to him. Te Quiero is my ring tone. When things get tense in the old workplace, I take the picture of Viggo my coworker saved for me from Gentleman's Vogue and glance at it, meditating for the moment.

I enjoy his films, have a couple of his books, have used his poetry in my art and, compulsive person I am, visit his blog at Perceval Press almost every day.

Sometimes you can't really explain why you find someone attractive. Yes, I think he's quite handsome and very sexy. I do admire a man (or woman) of principle and, indeed, he speaks his mind quite eloquently, for example:

"Bush, Cheney, Hadley et al self-righteously warn the incoming administration to continue steering safely down the right side of the road in the very same burned out, motorless, rusting hulk they left buried in the ditch, wheels and mirrors gone, the sad remains of a vehicle now barely salvageable as scrap... "

Not only does he write poetry, but the poems he chooses for his site are thought-provoking

Walkers with the Dawn

Being walkers with the dawn and morning,

Walkers with the sun and morning,

We are not afraid of night,

Nor days of gloom,

Nor darkness--

Being walkers with the sun and morning.

—Langston Hughes

He's also an artist, photographer, musician and publisher.

I've never met the man, but he seems to be the real deal. He's someone I admire. However, this is the time for new beginnings. I consulted the Tarot for guidance and this card appeared.

It is sage advice. In fact, it is very cool. So, Viggo, I will keep that magazine pic for mental health reasons. Thanks for the inspiration and aspiration. You have been very, very good for me. Oh, and I'm keeping my ring tone...

Blocks & Inhibitions: Two of Cups
Main (positional) meaning
Your feelings for another may exist to attune you to your own longings and needs.The card in the Blocks position points to self-undermining tendencies, areas where you could be in denial, where you could get stuck -- unless you examine yourself and make some corrections. When the Two of Cups is in this position, the relationship doesn't have to go anywhere for you to benefit. Even if it just allows you to work it through your imagination, your artistic life, or your dreams, it's a good thing. Take a dispassionate view of the object of your affection. Regard this person as a symbol of your unfulfilled desires. Sometimes a person comes into your life not so you can possess them, but to stimulate exquisite feelings that better acquaint you with your heart's desires. Just let the very awareness of love be like a tuning fork for your soul. These are healing feelings. Unrequited love is not a horrible thing. In fact, its effect can enrich other current and new relationships in your life. Don't cheapen such feelings or compromise your dignity by trying to possess an unavailable or unworthy person who evoked these emotions. You are bigger than that. Let go of the romantic fantasy; your feelings may be here only to bring you closer to your true desires.

Sigh...one of my fave Viggo pics

Oaxaca weather: 76' hazy

The Dark Eyes Have It

2009-01-04T10:59:00.008-05:00

Many strange things have been happening around here lately. Most are due to the natural pattern of life changes which occur as time passes. This always brings out the nesting urge in me. You know, clear out, clean up and rearrange. My art supplies have been literally piling up in my bedroom. Actually, it was becoming quite alarming. The potential for an ephemeral avalanche was real and eminent.

One change is my daughter and her boyfriend and their furry and reptilian entourage moving to their own place down the road a piece. This leaves room for a small studio. While rearranging the mountains of stuff (avalanche prevention) I found one of my favorite tarot decks hiding among ribbons, lace and leather barbed wire. It's The Gothic Tarot Deck illustrated by Joseph Vargo. It's dark and beautiful and perfect for a reading long overdue.

A while back I found an original Dark Shadows LP on e-bay, which replaced a family heirloom gifted to a true devotee. My sweet Christine and Pete gave me a new turn table combo for my birthday. What better background music for a Gothic tarot reading? It was a real treat.

Letting go of the past and looking forward to the future are part of daily living. Enjoying right now is becoming more satisfying all the time. I hear Barnabas in the background....

"I hear your call. I feel your yearning. I am with you."

Right back at cha, my fang man.

Peek at the Gothic Tarot deck. Just scroll down a bit :)

http://store.isisbooks.com/GOTHIC_TAROT_p/0967575621.htm

Sagittarius Horoscopes
(Nov 22 - Dec 21)
Next Week
For the Week of Jan 5th, 2009 -- Your larger-than-life personality, sense of humor and blunt honesty could overpower your partner or a potential love interest this weekend. Be true to yourself, but tone it down a little to avoid offending a super sensitive individual. Being tender is an excellent way to attract the passion you want now.

Yes, the curse of blunt honesty. That's why I don't play poker. What you see is what you get, but I can tone it down...a little.

Just came in from my mom's last choir performance after over forty years with the same group.
Growing up, I just knew she always sang with these people. They are my other dysfunctional family and I love them dearly. She received a beautiful plaque and a lovely bouquet. What was also evident is the bond of love and affection that binds them.

We sang on Sundays and holy days, the choir in the choir loft and the rest of us downstairs. I was choir mom when my daughter sang in the children's chorus. I spent many a Sunday upstairs. Like any group of creative people, there is a music shorthand communication. After so many years together just a look, a nod, a nuance of expression will suffice.

My daughter leaned toward me, "Lisa's not happy. Those kids are gonna hear it later." Ah, memories, but she was right. That expression on our choir director's face struck fear and dread into the hearts of choir members young or old. To the untrained eye, she seemed slightly distracted. To those in the know, the wrath was yet to come. She maintained high standards for all. That was one of the things my mom admired. That and a steady stream of the latest church lady gossip. Juicy.

Everyone told me how much they will miss having Mom in the choir. They remember the time she designed the costumes for the Three Kings for one Epiphany concert. They looked like Yul Brynner from The King and I, with hair. She's an artist, what did they expect?

She'll be upstate with my brother, listening to Il Divo and the cd her choir recorded a couple of years ago. I may even go to a concert at the church. It won't be quite as theatrical but, baby, it was a fabulous run.

Tarot ~ Isis Books xoxo

Seasons of Light

2009-01-03T08:32:00.010-05:00

I found this beautiful slide show collection of woodcuts and music depicting Jewish life from The Book of Customs by Scott-Martin Kosofsky. Woodcuts have always appealed to me, these are wonderful. As the days grow longer and little more light seeps into our lives let the light of inspiration transform you.

http://speakingoffaith.publicradio.org/programs/2008/hanukkah/ss_jewishlife/#slideshow

A Few Words On The Soul

We have a soul at times.
No one's got it non-stop,
for keeps.
Day after day,
year after year
may pass without it.

Sometimes
it will settle for awhile
only in childhood's fears and raptures.
Sometimes only in astonishment
that we are old.

It rarely lends a hand
in uphill tasks,
like moving furniture,
or lifting luggage,
or going miles in shoes that pinch.

It usually steps out
whenever meat needs chopping
or forms have to be filled.
For every thousand conversations
it participates in one,
if even that,
since it prefers silence.

Just when our body goes from ache to pain,
it slips off-duty.
It's picky:
it doesn't like seeing us in crowds,
our hustling for a dubious advantage
and creaky machinations make it sick.

Joy and sorrow
aren't two different feelings for it.
It attends us
only when the two are joined.
We can count on it
when we're sure of nothing
and curious about everything.

Among the material objects
it favors clocks with pendulums
and mirrors, which keep on working
even when no one is looking.

It won't say where it comes from
or when it's taking off again,
though it's clearly expecting such questions.
We need it
but apparently
it needs us
for some reason too.

—Wislawa Szymborska(translated from the Polish by Stanislaw Baranczak and Clare Cavanagh)

Once again, thanks Artella for the link :)
Japanese maple ~ Queens, NY 2008
A Few Words On The Soul ~ Perceval Press

Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend Today

2008-12-28T09:51:00.009-05:00

I had fun with this website http://www.festisite.com/cardgame/

You can be king or queen for the day.

Sagittarius Horoscopes
Next Week
For the Week of Dec 29th, 2008 -- You may be uncharacteristically shy and private on Friday. If you need some time away from other people you should take it. On Saturday, though, the Moon fires into your 5th House of Romance and you will be ready to play. You need someone willing to have fun since serious people are bound to leave you cold.

General Weekly Love Horoscope
The love planet Venus shifts from the intellectually idealistic domain of Aquarius to the dreamy and emotional realm of Pisces on Saturday. The way to intimacy will no longer pass by the head but is direct through the heart. Be gentle with the object of your affection and take the time to let romance simmer slowly instead of rushing it or relying on strategy to make the magic happen.

Serious people don't leave me cold. Some of my best friends are serious. My very best friend is a Capricorn, for Pete's sake! However, she did turn over a new leaf and is beginning to relax and enjoy herself more often. If it wasn't for Helen, I don't think I'd be heading for Oaxaca in the fall, but we BOTH are going! Heaven help the locals. A born-to-fun-again Capricorn and an unrepentant Sagittarius are going south of the border for deMeng de los Muertos 2009.

Yeee hah!! I have started my pyramid conditioning program, Rodney Yee's 'Burn Yoga', resistance (where the heck are my weights) and, yuk, recumbent bike riding. I just get up and do it. If I wait I'm doomed to procrastination, I just won't. I think I just need a more serious approach to this program. Who better than a serious person could prod me into compliance with myself? I need serious people in my life. They give me balance, which is not easy. There is a klutz side to me, believe it or not. No, serious people do not leave me cold. I have a warm spot in my heart for the serious people in my life. Believe me, I know a lot of Capricorns, and those Libras, let me tell you. A sense of humor is a godsend, but sometimes you need to get serious.

Sam Levenson said, "Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we'll find it."*

Leslie over at AlphaStamps is having fantastic give-aways this week.

It would behoove you to take a peek!

http://www.alphastamps.com/blog/

*quote from today's Writer's Almanac

Horoscopes from tarot.com

Thanks again to Artella for the cool link :)

84' in Oaxaca today!

Ebenezer and Nosferatu

2008-12-24T10:38:00.018-05:00

"Oh! But he was a tight-fisted hand at the grind- stone, Scrooge! A squeezing, wrenching, grasping, scraping, clutching, covetous, old sinner! Hard and sharp as flint, from which no steel had ever struck out generous fire; secret, and self-contained, and solitary as an oyster. The cold within him froze his old features, nipped his pointed nose, shriveled his cheek, stiffened his gait; made his eyes red, his thin lips blue and spoke out shrewdly in his grating voice. A frosty rime was on his head, and on his eyebrows, and his wiry chin. He carried his own low temperature always about with him; he iced his office in the dog days; and didn't thaw it one degree at Christmas." A Christmas Carol ~ Charles Dickens

Now, I don't want to be Debbie Downer on Christmas Eve, but some people have cold, cold hearts. Charles Dickens knew about that. It's been mighty chilly here, but it would be like a day in the Bahamas compared to Ebenezer's corazon. If he didn't literally see the light I wonder if he would have become a vampire himself. He seems to have been almost there psychically and physically.

Whether it is Yule, Christmas, Hanukkah or Solstice, this is the season of light coming out of the darkness. The days are slowly getting longer. That's good for most of us, but there are those who prefer the darker days.

You know I just had to get back to vampires. Here's a little holiday card for the nosferatu among us.

Good cheer and god bless us, each and every one.

Shout out to Charles Dickens, Bram Stoker, Clement Moore and Debbie Downer

12/25/08 ~ Oaxaca weather report 81' and clear

Solstice 2008

2008-12-21T10:05:00.006-05:00

Here's a link to Newgrange Winter Solstice 2008, a 5000 year old neolithic monument, restored in the 1960's and 70's. It's quite beautiful, a true spiritual experience.

A blessed Winter Solstice to all.

http://www.servecast.com/opw/211208/archive150.html

Sagittarius Horoscopes
(Nov 22 - Dec 21)
Next Week
For the Week of Dec 22nd, 2008 -- A little self-restraint can make the difference between looking cool and attracting romance or feeling foolish and being frustrated. Passion is a great thing, Saggie, but when it's held back now you become much more interesting. Rather than rushing ahead, it's holding back that will draw the right person to you.

Well, I guess those blinking Christmas light earrings are out. That's all right, I can be demure and quite sophisticated when I'm in the mood. Let those cards fall where they may.

thanks to http://www.spaceweather.com/

I can't help thinking of Juan when I watch this :)

Do you see the zig-zag lightening pattern in the corner of the photo? Looks like Mitla.

thanks to tarot.com for the sage advice

Cloth of Dreams

2008-12-20T08:41:00.007-05:00

Timeless love is not about cherubs, harps and fluffy clouds. Each lover pays a price for a love that truly endures a lifetime. It is worth everything you pay. December 20 is the birthdate of Maude Gonne, the beloved of William Butler Yeats. Though they never married, she remained his muse for life. Oh yes, she was a true Sagittarian.

Aedh wishes for the Cloths of Heaven

Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams

W B Yeats

Pop over to Writer's Almanac with Garrison Keillor and listen to a love story.

http://writersalmanac.publicradio.org/index.php?date=2008/12/20

Thanks Artella!
Picture, the lovely Maude ~ Wikipedia

Wild Imperfect Wisdom

2008-12-17T16:27:00.008-05:00

The Queen of Pentacles card reversed suggests that making material quantity or trendy indulgences the foundation of this Queen's success or identity may create a false sense of deprivation, want or burden. Rather than finding pleasure or gratitude in earthly gifts, she may struggle with neglect, false sexuality, resentment or vanity or take superficial pride in spending money in an effort to keep up, buy love or entice a man. Be aware that you could succumb to her influence and fall into the same trap of living only for the moment. Humble gratitude and understanding for what has real value and meaning for you or simply honoring womanhood for her most abundant gifts and glorious, wild imperfections might be the message here.

Wild imperfections are us. I could not resist the artistry of lovely Jane Wynn. See, there was this wisdom tooth and she made it into a very funky pendant and...well...I found pleasure in an earthly gift. It is so cool. There is another beauty en route, but that is a gift for a dear friend. So, no peeking for now. These special treasures have an aesthetic value of their own.

There is a tremendous difference between living only for the moment and living in the moment.

Thankfully, I've come to a point in my life where I am letting go of the past with less trauma than I thought possible. Future goals and dreams are inspiring and hopeful, but appreciating the right now, who I'm with, what I'm doing, what I am experiencing right now, is much easier for me. There will always be distractions, life is like that, but actually being here feels so good.

Jane Wynn ~ Wisdom Tooth Pendant http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=41668

http://www.astrology.com/ ~ Daily Love Tarot

South Pole Sailing

2008-12-14T12:24:00.006-05:00

Dear Vickie,
Here is your Daily Feng Shui Tip for Sunday, December 14
Intrepid explorer Roald Amundsen planted a Norwegian flag in the South Pole on this day in 1911, claiming discovery of this land after locating it in only 57 days of searching. Sometimes it can seem like traveling during the holidays can take that long as well. If you want to travel through this season with ease and grace, it is highly recommended that -- before departing to go anywhere -- you download and then pack a picture of what's called 'The Mystic Knot' in Eastern lore. This knot is believed to untangle and traveling snafus when carried on your person. And should you encounter any out of the ordinary delays or upsets, be sure to take the knot out and rub it three times with the hand you write with. This should smooth things out in no time at all!

I've been thinking about Antarctica again. My Feng Shui Tip just reinforced my growing obsession, one which resurfaces from time to time. Please don't be misled. I still love Oaxaca.

I check the weather conditions (91F today, high 80's this week) and imagine being there, warm and toasty, but Antarctica, cold, beautiful and desolate has always held a strong fascination for me. How do people live, even thrive, under such extreme conditions? Why do some willingly explore these forbidding places, knowing their lives are in peril?

The expeditions--tourist type--look amazing. I found one that connects from Buenos Aires, another place I long to visit. Maybe this can happen. Anything is possible, I suppose. This looks like a job for the image board. It's time for a new one :)

Now, what about love?

Sagittarius Horoscopes
(Nov 22 - Dec 21)

Next Week
For the Week of Dec 15th, 2008 -- A funny conversation can open the door to romance this weekend. You may not have to go far from home to connect with someone in a friendly way that could heat up quickly. As long as your approach is playful, others will want to play with you. Humor could be your most attractive element for pulling someone to you now.

Humor pulls me to someone, too. A sense of humor would probably be a great asset in Antarctica. That and The Mystic Knot.

Antarctic wildlife ~ d j jennings 2007

Mystic knot